The 3 Engineers....

The chemist says the beaker is half full; the physicist says it is half empty, after a brief pause, the engineer determines the damned beaker is twice as big as it needs to be.

Software Engineering is like looking for a black cat in a dark room. Systems Engineering is like looking for a black cat in a dark room in which there is no cat. Knowledge Engineering is like looking for a black cat in a dark room in which there is no cat and somebody yells, "I got it!"

The maintenance department says that usage is normal and refills the beaker or that the beaker is leaking and orders a replacement.

Three engineers were in the bathroom standing at the urinals. The first engineer finished and walked over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeded to dry his hands very carefully. He used paper towel after paper towel and ensured that every single spot of water on his hands was dried. Turning to the other two engineers, he said, "At Hewlett Packard, we are trained to be extremely thorough."

The second engineer finished his task at the urinal and he proceeded to wash his hands. He used a single paper towel and made sure that he dried his hands using every available portion of the paper towel. He turned and said, "At Lockheed-Martin, not only are we trained to be extremely thorough, but we are also trained to be extremely efficient."

The third engineer finished and walked straight for the door, shouting over his shoulder, "At Apple Computer, Inc. we don't pee on our hands."

A male engineer and a mathematician are put in a room against one wall. A beautiful, naked woman is located against the opposite wall. The engineer and mathematician are told, "You may only advance across the room 1/2 the remaining distance each hour."

Well the mathematician thinks about it for a second and realizes that by only halving the distance each hour, he will never reach the beautiful woman. He announces this with conviction, sits down and tries to recite the first hundred digits of pi.

The engineer, undaunted by this theoretical analysis advances half way across the room in the first hour. Then he advances from 1/2 to 3/4 the distance in the second hour. After another hour, he is 7/8 of the way across the room. He suddenly reaches out and grabs the beautiful, naked women and hollers back to the mathematician, "Close enough!!!"

daestrom

when it is brought to the attention of management after a moment of confusion several meetings are held, e-mails are sent, blackberrys chirp, all in secret form the technical staff, the end result of which is a memo:

All Dihydrogen Monoxide on the premises will be placed in 55 gallon steel drums an buried at the southwest corner of the property. no containers except coffee cups will be allowed on the premises. R&D division will be closed. product development will be outsourced (stolen from the competition). manufacturing will be outsourced and the present space be remodeled into executive putting greens. marketing and promotions will repackage out products as new and improved. sales will beging taking orders for future vaperware products. accounting will hold back accounts payable for 180 days. the recptionest will refer all queries about Dihydrigen Monoxide to websites such as

A manager was interviewing a mathematician, physicist, and an accountant for a job opening. He wanted to be fair, so asked each one the same question.

To the mathematician; "What is two plus two?" The mathematician says quite quickly, "for sufficiently large values of two, the answer would be four."

The manager then asks the physicist, "what is two plus two?". The physicist strokes his beard, contemplating the question and then answers, "ignoring relativistic effects, the answer is four."

Finally the manager asks the accountant, "what is two plus two?" The accountant raises his index finger to his lips signaling the manager to be quiet. He then gets up out of the chair and closes the door, and asks the manager in a hushed voice, "what would you like it to be?".

Then the the enigineer yells for an electrician to do the dirty work.

Yes, except when its a new prototype system that, despite the dirt and grime under the fingernails and on the faces of the design engineers, leaves the electrician thinking ala Steve Martin in an old SNL skit, "What the hell is that?" ;-)

Pessimist: Glass is half empty.

Optimist: Glass is half full.

Engineer: Glass is twice a big as it needs to be.

Sincerely,

John Wood (Code 5550) e-mail: snipped-for-privacy@itd.nrl.navy.mil Naval Research Laboratory

Yes, except when its a new prototype system that, despite the dirt and grime under the fingernails and on the faces of the design engineers, leaves the electrician thinking ala Steve Martin in an old SNL skit, "What the hell is that?" ;-)

Pessimist: Glass is half empty.

Optimist: Glass is half full.

Engineer: Glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Sincerely,

John Wood (Code 5550) e-mail: snipped-for-privacy@itd.nrl.navy.mil Naval Research Laboratory

Safety Review: Glass size can be reduced up to 44% while allowing a 95% maximum working capacity.

Yup, and tomorrow can I get here late, leave early, and take a long lunch?

MLR wrote: (9/1/2006) > It requires 3 transformers and I will dig out the schematic soon. >

You can leave when you send that schematic for single to three phase conversion. :-)

Guy in purchasing: It's time to re-order.

daestrom

I've obviously worked for the wrong organisations!

Guy in purchasing : Load of stock left, why the glass is nearly full....

Guy in accounts : I don't care how much is left, there's no money until the next financial year..

Guys in sales: If you look at it from this angle, why it is almost over-flowing/empty..

Guys in goods inward: The replacements haven't come in yet/ were shipped onwards in error to Siberia/ have been returned as you didn't collect them/etc.

Forktruck operator: Oops!! What glass???

Ohh I'll send it all right....when I get to finding it, scanning it, and emailing it. Any quicker and I will have to charge my nominal fee's + overhead + processing + gas, etc... Approx $120/hr (yes we know a little math when it has dollar signs) :~)

This message just cost you 25 bucks. Billing address please...

AEC Electric & Controls Michael R snipped-for-privacy@sbcremovethiscrapglobal.net