Mysterious noises from my Escort

Dear Billy H:

...

Don't be hard on yourself. But also don't change one of something that should be done in pairs.

It is not atypical for a driver to assign one meaning to "left" and "right" based on sitting behind the wheel, and another for a mechanic who spends his life 180 degrees around looking under the hood. It may be simply misunderstanding. To quote Billy Joel: communication is the problem, not the answer.

...

Sorry, I didn't understand that. Is that a reference to surfboard wax and boat trips?

Let us know how it (the search for the noise) comes out.

David A. Smith

Reply to
N:dlzc D:aol T:com (dlzc)
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"N:dlzc D:aol T:com (dlzc)" wrote in message news:3P6kf.10773$dv.3338@fed1read02...

I shall let you know.

That was a paraphrase from 'Three men in a boat' (1909) by Jerome K Jerome, a lovely little book!

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"We had taken up an oil-stove once, but "never again." It had been like living in an oil-shop that week. It oozed. I never saw such a thing as paraffine oil is to ooze. We kept it in the nose of the boat, and, from there, it oozed down to the rudder, impregnating the whole boat and everything in it on its way, and it oozed over the river, and saturated the scenery and spoilt the atmosphere. Sometimes a westerly oily wind blew, and at other times an easterly oily wind, and sometimes it blew a northerly oily wind, and maybe a southerly oily wind; but whether it came from the Arctic snows, or was raised in the waste of the desert sands, it came alike to us laden with the fragrance of paraffine oil."

Reply to
Billy H

A friend of mine once had an escort that made some very mysterious noises...she was the slim, blonde sort of escort though... ;-)

Regards, Tony

Reply to
Tony Jeffree

No, no no, they're all wrong. It's a little accepted fact that its not technology that makes cars work, its actually Gnomes. Inside the structure of the car are thousands of tiny little gnomes, and what you're hearing is the muted whistling of the gnomes as they work. Now normally these are to be found in the carburettor where their whistling is often mistaken for induction noise, but in winter they migrate south and join the dwarf working parties in the driveshaft and bearing levels.

These consist of the axe levels (often referred to incorrectly as axles), the common property mine access shaft (run by the dwarves) often shortened to prop shaft, and the main circular mining pits, the motherlode (wheel) bearing face. Occasionally access to one of these areas is blocked when the underground joists (UJ's) in the tunnel fail. You can always tell when this has happened because you can hear the dwarf miners tap-tap-tapping away with pickaxes to clear the blockage.

Working in these levels is arduous, so the gnomes and dwarves like to play hard after they have worked hard, and at the end of the shift they want to have a beer or two, relax and let their hair down in one of the many gin joints to be found in these levels. However, being as small as they are they cannot hold their drink very well and often become a bit too boisterous and uncouth. In an attempt to restore the decorum the powers that be decided to ban workmans clothes and insist on formal wear as an entrance policy for everyone wanting to drink and dance,so instead of gin joints these became known as Ball Joints due to the dress policy.

Ball joints are normally quiet, because the now well behaved gnomes and dwarves don't like to mess up their formal wear, but riots have occasionally broken out down there when the drink has run out. That's why it's important to keep these ball joints 'well lubricated' if you want to avoid excessive noise or damage to the 'joint'.

Occasionally they can of course still imbibe too much and will feel slightly drunk the morning after when they return to their work place. Predictably, the result of this is usually a loss of balance, and if too many gnomes are hungover at one time, then this can be clearly felt in the handling of the car. Sometimes they are so drunk they will report for duty on the wrong 'side' of the car before being sent back to the proper station. This often leads to the conclusion that the imbalance is on the wrong side of the car to where it actually is. Of course, when they sober up the imbalance goes away, but will return if they turn up drunk again. This often leads people to believe that there is an 'intermittent fault' somewhere.

Now and again of course, they just have a bad headache and can't keep to the correct working rhythm of the rest of the group. On these occasions you may experience a series of out-of-place tapping sounds. In order to help these gnomes get back on the pace, all the other gnomes and dwarves will then whistle or hum a marching tune for them to follow and allow them to pick up the rhythm, and this is what you are actually hearing.

Peter

Reply to
Peter Neill

So you have to wait until they have all finished work and gone gnome, before the noise will stop!

Lionel

Reply to
Lionel

If I put a fish under the bonnet (or a box of fish) and a goldfish bowl would it cheer them up and make all well again?

Are these gnomes anything like nibblungs?

Reply to
Billy H

"Billy H" wrote in message news:438dfcc1$0$18532$ snipped-for-privacy@ptn-nntp-reader02.plus.net...

Well, I changed the wishbones and fitted a new steering rack and track rod ends.

Didn't make much difference although all the stiffer new parts have made the steering a little heavier.

New tyres and wheel balance made no improvement to the symptoms I was concerned by.

Changed the front nearside bearing, noted it was beginning to flake up a little. This took away a lot of the noise but some remained.

Changed the rear offside bearing, and noted the cup was battered; pitted around almost 50% of it's circumference.

The new wheel bearings have stopped the noise (fitted a full set now) and I'm sure the new steering rack'll give years of good service.

I'd begun to think my drive shafts were bent. Fortunately it seems they are not.

I can hear my engine again, and the stereo! I wasn't too keen on the tunes the bearings were playing.

Thanks all for your inputs!

Billy

Reply to
Billy H

"Billy H" wrote in message news:43de1ee0$0$3610$ snipped-for-privacy@ptn-nntp-reader04.plus.net...

And this question was essential for model engineers!

Alan

Reply to
Alan Holmes

"Alan Holmes" wrote gui.ntli.net...

It's nice when someone the group has helped comes back with an update and a thank you.

Jonathan

Reply to
Jonathan Barnes

Dear Billy H:

...

Excellent news. And thanks for the update!

David A. Smith

Reply to
N:dlzc D:aol T:com (dlzc)

"N:dlzc D:aol T:com (dlzc)" wrote in message news:ihyDf.24257$jR.6857@fed1read01...

Did what a garage would've charge around 500 quid for with only 200 quid!

I ought to have charged more for my labour! ;)

Reply to
Billy H

Reply to
Rebecca Hopwood

You might have better luck on "alt.autos.ford". Don't use terms like "nearside" though, as people in North America will not know what you mean.

Steve R.

Reply to
Steve R.

Examine transmission/motoe mounts on left side as well as how exhaust clears nearby parts. Cars flex under load which can cause parts not normally in contact to rub. This can transmit/amplify vibration. Additionally, seams can ouen up under stress; this could be an exhaust leak that sounds louder when flexed. Bring your car by my house and we can figure out what's wrong.

Reply to
Smaug Ichorfang

Hang on a bit. This thread of Bills was ages ago, since then he's fixed it, ran it 134,000 miles and part chopped it for a Mungdayo. The Escort has now been to China, been processed and is now parked in five drives in the West Midland as five different Daywoo's.

[ Sorry 4 if last night controlled explosion was in the West Midlands ] .

-- Regards,

John Stevenson Nottingham, England.

Visit the new Model Engineering adverts page at:-

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Reply to
John Stevenson

John Stevenson wrote in news: snipped-for-privacy@4ax.com:

Sorry, thought this was a current msg thread. Must be a time warp due to global warming.

Reply to
Smaug Ichorfang

Will this global warming lark improve the heater fan on my Ford Escort?

-was wheel bearings, rear ones. They were all pitted inside the outer race.

Put a new water pump on last month. overheated near Bolton and arrived back in Blackpool on a recovery van.

That lil Escort does 60 miles to the gallon! lol, even more on the back of the recovery van! ;o)

Reply to
Billy H

controlled explosions? I wish. My little metro (built to corner at the Plough in Southport - all four wheels'd leave the floor if you tweaked the wheel proper; just as one hit the *ramp*) made front page news in the YEP. Someone put a bomb in it while I worked in the pub and blew it's window jambs on the doors to skew-if. Windscreen was maybe 20 yards up the road. Police were more concerned about the phone box the vandals attacked the same night.

deary deary.

oh and it's closer to 140000 now John :oD

thit began running better when I stopped putting the diesel treatment in. Maybe it should be flushed through with it and then run on untreated derv? lol, I was using a litre a month. Then stopped and economy went up markedly.

I'll treat it again soon.

Right after I Redex my mother's Beamer.

Regards.

Reply to
Billy H

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