OT-Humor (Television Deficiency Disorder)


Millions of Americans affected by Television Deficiency Disorder (TDD) -
(satire)
by: Mike Adams
More than thirty-five million Americans may currently be suffering
from a newly-discovered disorder that affects brain chemistry,
behavior and health: Television Deficiency Disorder, or TDD for
short. Based on work by Dr. Anne Tennah, a psychiatrist who
specializes in brain chemistry disorders, this little-known disorder
is now thought to be more widespread than ADHD and Bi-Polar
combined.
Television Deficiency Disorder is a serious condition brought on by
a lack of television programming. Victims display excessive
intelligence quotients (I.Q.s), an exaggerated sense of self esteem,
and "suspiciously high" levels of physical activity that keep them
strangely thin. "These victims stray from societal norms," explained
Dr. Tennah. "With their heightened cognitive function but lack of
exposure to sitcoms, reality shows and shaped news programs, they
are unable to interact with normal people in society."
Dr. Anne Tennah suggests that victims of TDD be prescribed
additional television programming. "Parents especially need to make
sure their children receive at least two to three hours of
television programming per day," she said. "Otherwise, they may grow
up imbalanced and require medication."
The medications used to treat Television Deficiency Disorder have,
coincidentally, just been approved by the Fraud and Drug
Administration. Manufactured by ConPhuzer, a Big Pharma giant, the
drugs are stimulant amphetamines similar to those prescribed for
ADHD, but with much higher potency. "These drugs put children in a
quiet, receptive state where they can sit in front of the television
for hours and soak up all the programming they need," explained Dr.
Tennah. "They're miracle drugs. I intend on prescribing them to all
my patients."
Share prices for ConPhuzer rose $2.37 on the news of the drug
approval by the FDA, and then leaped another $12.62 on the
announcement that Television Deficiency Disorder had been
discovered. This thrilled major ConPhuzer shareholders such as the
ghost of Kenneth Lay, the former CEO of Enron who is now apparently
immune to all insider trading crimes because he is no longer living.
Most of the people who need treatment for Television Deficiency
Disorder are not receiving it, say members of non-profit patient
advocacy groups. They offer free screenings to the public in order
to help people determine if they, too, may suffer from undiagnosed
Television Deficiency Disorder. Screenings are held with very large
screens to maximize the disorder detection accuracy.
Doctors also now believe that Television Deficiency Disorder is
genetic. "If your parents didn't watch much television, chances are
that you won't either," explained Dr. Tennah. "That puts you at high
risk for TDD disorder, and treatment is recommended to prevent the
disorder in all high-risk patients."
Television and cable news channels are also urging the public to be
tested. "This rising problem of Television Deficiency Disorder may
explain our plummeting ratings," said Freeh Quincy, the director of
programming for MSNBCBS. "We are doing our part to help eradicate
this disease by taking millions of dollars from drug companies and
running their advertisements alongside news reports that highlight
the disorder."
Even as tens of millions of Americans may now be suffering from
Television Deficiency Disorder, third world countries are hit even
harder. "Many countries don't even have televisions," warned Dr.
Anne Tennah, "And as a result, they are in the midst of widespread
TDD epidemics that are worse than AIDS." International aid is being
organized to help bring such countries more television programming,
along with western junk food restaurants, drug companies and soda
giants to support the advertising requirements of local television
shows. "The more television we can bring these people, the better
off they will be," Dr. Tennah said. "We must spread American culture
throughout the world in order to save everyone."
Back in the United States, parents, schoolteachers and librarians
are being urged to help boost the television time of children. They
are also warned that reading, exercising, family interaction and
play time all interfere with quality television programming, so such
activities should be limited, psychiatrists say.
Finally, psychiatrists are also urging all parents to realize that
this report is a satire piece, meaning that it is entirely
fictitious. It does serve, however, as a metaphor for the incessant
disease mongering and "screening & treatment" scams being operated
today by drug companies, disease non-profit groups and the
psychiatric community. So-called disorders ranging from ADHD to
"social anxiety disorder" are invented, promoted and sold to the
public in order to convince people they need expense pharmaceuticals
to lead healthy lives. The effort has nothing to do with health, but
everything to do with generating profits for Big Pharma.
Remember: The best way to get people to buy more drugs is to first
convince them they have a disease. And the easiest way to do that?
Make up a disease based on behavior, not physiology, then buy off
all the industry experts to help publicize your newly-invented
disease. Throw a few million dollars at the media, sneak a
fraudulent study into the medical journals, threaten to blackball
researchers who try to tell the truth, and -- voila! -- you've just
invented a billion-dollar industry selling drugs to people who don't
need them.
This is how medicine operates today, where virtually every popular
health condition from breast cancer to high cholesterol is
over-diagnosed, over-treated and over-marketed to a gullible public
who are far too easily manipulated by television programming.
Seems i may have a terminal case TDD. Just to add some metalworking content,
i once shot a TV to death testing a firearm i had just repaired.
Regards
Tom.
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azotic
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