How the hell

Its real easy. I live in Southern Arizona.

I don't, I moved from Michigan to Florida! Mike

Last time I was there for the month of February I got lucky, a tornado touched down in Intercession City, skipped over my location and destroyed the park just east of Campbell City. Thanks but I'll stay here in the "Frozen North" and go out to play with my blower as required to give puppy a place to go puddle. Gerry :-)} London, Canada

I just received this in an email. Mike

The Diary of a Snow Shoveler

December 8

6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9

We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life. December 12

The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14

Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life!

The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way.

December 15 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer.

The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 16

Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like heck. The wife laughed for one hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17

Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. Man, I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20

Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the darn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Darn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying. December 22

Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white crap fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to poop. By the time I got undressed, pooped and dressed again, I was too pooped to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the jerk is lying.

December 23 Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What? Is she nuts!!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.

December 24

6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the man who drives that snowplow I'll drag him through the snow by his nose and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the snowplow.

December 25

Merry Christmas! 20 more inches of the slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26

Still snowed in. Why the heck did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves. December 27

Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze, plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28

Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. THE WITCH is driving me crazy!!!

December 29

10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. I think he's lying. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30

Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver. He is now suing me for a million dollars not only the beating I gave him but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up where the sun don't shine. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.

December 31

I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8

Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

Build a tornado bunker and you're all set. At least with tornados they are infrequent, short duration and a bunker can keep you 100% safe. With snow, it's every year, long duration and you have to deal with it every day.

But if you are in a bunker, you do not have to deal with the snow.

I read it aloud, and my wife and I were both in stitches...

I think our dear deluded snow shoveler mispledded "November."

THIS is where the guy should be comitted. The white pills, started at this point, would have saved his house and marriage. I love snow????

As I look at the weather channel, I see snow forecast for 6 of the next 7 days. I HATE SNOW!

Hah! Our town has absolutely no concept of plowing "as needed." When it snows a half inch, they come by

5 or 6 times. (After all, there's not much to plow, so they've got plenty of free time to run over the bare pavement repeatedly.) When it snows 3 feet, they come by twice... after all, they're way too busy plowing the important streets to bother with the outskirts.

To the original question: The way I do it is

4WD, a 10.5 hp/29" snowblower, and mittens... and yes, as alluded to in the snow shoveler's diary, a woodstove and a generator. Also yelling out, "I HATE SNOW!" at the top of your lungs helps relieve the frustration, thereby obviating the need for the little white pills... though just knowing there *are* some little white pills in the medicine cabinet helps loads. ;-)

Only if you build a bunker you can remain in for the entire duration of snow season i.e. several months or more. A tornado bunker is only needed for an hour or two.

Thanks, amdx. I forwarded it to several people. Funny.

1958, I came to the family home for Christmas and my first project was to go get a suitable tree. Snowshoes on and axe (I still use that one) in hand I started out. Didn't have to worry about 4' wire fences - none were visible - only the occasional post top thru the surface. Apparently I crossed over a Hazel brush bush because, even wearing snowshoes, I sank to eye level with the snow surface; I was able to beat down the snow with the flat of the axe to form a ramp enabling my escape from the (snow) sinkhole. Gerry :-)} London, Canada

A couple days after the above mentioned incident, we got another warning so everyone gathered at the (cinder block) rec. centre and watched the passing weather through the oversized picture window! Gerry :-)} London, Canada

Also known as a spruce trap. A friend and I were camping in the White Mountains in NH for New Years. We had piled snow for a snow cave a hundred yards or so off the trail and while waiting for it to set up enough to dig out we went exploring on snowshoes. We wandered into a grove of young evergreens overlaid with snow. While we were goofing around going in over our heads and pulling ourselves out, a larger group on skis with full packs, who had followed our tracks instead of the trail, skiied into the spruce grove and got thoroughly stuck. We left them swearing and flailing trying to escape.

I got stuck up on the top of the Grapevine Wed. when they closed Interstate 5 when the rain turned to ice, then snow. Almost 24 hours in a Jack in the Box parking lot at about 4800 feet elevation with winds going as high as 50 mph.

I had Carhart insulated coveralls, a down filled sleeping bag, my normal BOB with water, SVEA stove, food, the usual. I was wearing work jeans and a nice thick cable knit turtleneck sweater. Also had a 20 lb bag of dogfood for the two aussi pups I travel with.

As an exercise, I cooked 3 meals out of my BOB, romped with the dogs in the snow, read a lot, rearrainged the sideboxes of my service truck etc etc.

I didnt run the engine but a few hours, and then only to recharge the battery as I was doing Stuff on the laptop, connected via inverter through the cig lighter plug. Watched some DVDs, kept the cell phone charged etc.

I did however use the potty in the JITB, but had butt wipe, baby wipes etc just in case of a real emergency. I hate taking a dump in the snow when wearing coveralls. I tend to shit in the neck by not getting them low enough and in a full parking lot...propriety and all that.

CHP came by a couple times, checked to make sure I was ok.... Comments were made that they were tickled shitless when they pulled up, as I was sitting in the falling snow on a tool box, cooking Spam and beans in my East German cook set, the dogs stretched out on a piece of carpet, reading a paperback and listening to talk radio, with the CB and police scanner were running in the background, while most of the others in the cars around me in the parking lot were freezing their asses off, listening to whimpering kids sniveling bout being cold/bored/no tv etc etc. I did loan a small am/fm/tv to a group who were clustered around the back of a pickup truck in a semi state of panic/befuddlement.

When it was time to sleep, I simply laid the front bucket seat back, crawled into my mummy bag. and nodded off. I woke up about 9 peaceful hours later, with the dogs cuddled up to me, the inside of the truck fairly warm from the body heat (only got down to about 15F outside, probably 45F inside (Id turned the truck when it got dark, with the back of the work shell facing the WIND! intentionally), stepped out, took a piss next to the truck, the dogs doing the same, dug out the stove, fired up coffee again, and fed and watered the pups, and finished the book I was reading, then out of boredom, rearrainged the service shell, organized my tools, ate another meal of Spam and rice and the leftover baked beans. I didnt find out till a few minutes before they opened the freeway again that there was a WIFI access point at the truckstop a 1/4 mile away, else Id have camped there, upwind of the idling big rigs and spent my time farting around on the net. If you ever get stuck in the cold in a truckstop...stay upwind of the trucks, else you will be sniffing diesel fumes for the duration. Been there, done that. Uggg.

I did discover that Id been remiss when I packed my winter BOB...I somehow misplaced my insulated gloves. So I had to wear a pair of lined welding gloves as Ive a bit of arthritis in both hands and cold tends to stiffen em up unless I stick em in my pockets.

I figured I was good for another 3-5 days before Id have to seek out resupply. I was not the only prepared individual, there were at least 5 more vehicles that apparently use good sense when traveling through the mountains in the winter time...as they were also doing pretty much as I was. Not counting those in motorhomes of course. Shrug.

Course there were at least 80 cars in the parking lot.....talked to a few people about winter preps when traveling, when they came by to chat and smell the food cooking. Chuckle...though a few hinted..I didnt offer any to anyone. Hunger is a good teacher. So is being cold and wet.

I gave a few dollars to a group of latinos and their kids to buy some food at the JITB...Guatamalans. Probably illegal. They came from some village way the f*ck up in the mountains in Guatamala, so the cold didnt bother em, but they were caught unaware that it can snow in California. Shrug. A good trial run and one that I do every couple years or so. Nice to keep the skills and preps up. Ive already found the gloves and added a couple more books to the BOB and replaced the consumed foods. It was time to recycle em anyways.

Gunner "They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist..." Maj. Gen. John Sedgewick, killed by a sniper in 1864 at the battle of Spotsylvania

I moved from Northern Michigan to the California desert.

Least I dont have to move 12' of snow every winter anymore.

Does tend to be warm in mid summer though....

"They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist..." Maj. Gen. John Sedgewick, killed by a sniper in 1864 at the battle of Spotsylvania