Joke

The Ultimate Computer stood at the end of the Ultimate Computer Company's production line. At which point the guided tour eventually arrived. The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo.

'This', he said, 'is the Ultimate Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it'.

At which Clever Johnny stepped forward - there is always one - and spoke into the Ultimate Computer's microphone. 'Where is my father'? he asked.

There was a whirring of wheels and flashing of lights that the manufacturers always use to impress lay people, and then a little card popped out.

On it were printed the words 'Fishing off Florida'.

Clever Johnny laughed. 'Actually', he said, 'my father is dead'! It had been a trick question!!

The salesman, carefully chosen for his ability to think fast on his feet, immediately replied that he was sorry the answer was unsatisfactory, but as computers were precise, perhaps he might care to rephrase his question and try again?

Clever Johnny thought, went to the Ultimate Computer and this time said, 'Where is my mother's husband'?

Again there was a whirring of wheels and a flashing of lights.

And again a little card popped out. Printed on it were the words: 'Dead. But your father is still fishing off Florida.'

-- Advertise your metalworking stuff free here:

Two French nuns fresh from their plane ride from Nice were in New York. They decided to take a tour, and presently found themselves in Central Park. One spotted a hot dog stand, and turned to the other and implored, "Please Sister, let us try some American food." The other agreed, and soon they were seated with their wrapped hotdogs. Upon unwrapping her food, the elder nun took one look at it and threw it away in disgust. Alarmed, her companion gasped "What's wrong sister?" "Nothing", the elder replied. Actually, I wasn't really hungry. Then she turned and asked brightly "By the way, sister, which part of the dog did you get?"

WOMEN'S ASS SIZE STUDY

The results of a recent survey have been released which had polled 500 women across the USA on how they felt concerning the size of their Ass.

The findings of the study are very interesting: 85% of women think their ass is too BIG! 10% of women think their ass is too small.

And 5% of women say that they don't care, they love him, and would have married him anyway.

-- btw, Still waiting for you guys to start using my free classified section, help me make it to be huge. Check it out, it's a nice classified ads website. Suggestions are welcomed.

How to Tell the Sex of a Fly

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Hunting Flies" He responded.

"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 on the phone."

-- btw, Still waiting for you guys to start using my free classified section, help me make it to be huge. Check it out, it's a nice classified ads website. Suggestions are welcomed.

Dumb kid asks the smart kid, "Hey, how can I be smart like you?" Smart kid says, "Pick up one of these smart pills from under the rabbit cage every day, and you will get smart." A much later the dumb kid says, "I've been eat'n those smart pills for a year, and I'm beginning to think they're rabbit turds!" Smart kid says, "SEE, you're gett'n smarter already."

At the high school reunion, the guy voted most likely to be successful had not made much money, but he noticed the class idiot across the room with a Platinum blonde and a silk suit. So he asks the class dufuss what he had been up to. "Oh I've been doing great!" said the dunce, "I buy steaks for $2 and sell them for $5, and that way I make 3%."

old man sitting in the mall on a bench with his grandson... wife in dress shop... old lady pushing a walker goes into a doorway... few minutes later the lights over the door start flashing and the old lady comes out as a 23 yr. old butiful woman and she pushes the walker to the side and walks away... the young kid ask grandpa, "what happened." grandpa says, "i dont know, but go get grandma."

Guy is walking down the sidewalk and sees a little boy coming towards him riding in his toy fire engine being pulled by a large dog. The boy has a rope tied around the dog's balls with the ends in his hands and the dog is pulling him_very_slowly. The guy comes up to the little boy and says,"Well, son, don't you know your dog will pull you faster if harness him up on his chest?" Little boy says,"Yeah, but then I wouldn't have a siren".

George Bush, in a conversation with others at a dinner stated that the best three years of his life were in the fifth grade

On 29 Apr 2004 17:35:13 -0700, snipped-for-privacy@wt.net (brownnsharp) vaguely proposed a theory ......and in reply I say!: remove ns from my header address to reply via email

No no! This is a JOKE thread....

On Wed, 21 Apr 2004 16:54:46 -0300, Howard Eisenhauer vaguely proposed a theory ......and in reply I say!: remove ns from my header address to reply via email

Hope this is "fresh" to some people:

The Lady of the House is taking an evening bath, with the maid standing by ready at her beck and call.

The Lady suddenly realises she needs to fart, badly. When the pressure becomes unbearable, she asks the maid to go to get her bed prepared for her night's sleep.

As the maid exits, the Lady of the House cannot wait any longer and finally lets rip.

The maid is gone for some time, and when she returns, she says "Ma'am, everything's ready, your bed is all turned down and warmed with the water, and a nice _cold pail_ with champagne right next to it just as you requested!"

Lady says "Champagne? Warmed? Are you going a littel strange girl? I did not ask for all that!"

And the maid says "Yes you did Ma'am, begging your pardon. I _distinctly_ heard you as I went out. You said anahotwaterbottleanabottleobubbly!"

Chinese end mills- Proof that CRS can be TiN coated!