Understanding Engineers

Something lighthearted. Taken from issue 110 of the Australian Model Engineer:

Understanding Engineers Take 1 - To the optimist the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be. Take 2 - Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke it doesn't have enough features yet. Take 2 - What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers? Mechanical Engineers build weapons; Civil Engineers build targets.

Courtesy the Editor David Proctor

GeoffH Norfolk - UK

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you can tell your wife you're with your mistress, tell your mistress you're with your wife, and then slip off to the IBM T.J. Watson Labs, and *really* get some work done!

Did I just say that?


================================================== please reply to: JRR(zero) at yktvmv (dot) vnet (dot) ibm (dot) com ==================================================

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jim rozen

The wife finally talks her engineer husband to take a day off and go shopping at the mall with her and the kids. After about an hour he spots a bookstore and tells his wife that he will be there and to come a get him when they are done. She agrees reluctantly, thinking that atleast he is relaxing.

While he is poking around in the bookstore a good looking sexy lady comes up to him and they starts talking. After a while she says that she has an apartment right across the street from the mall and suggests that they could "talk" better there.

Once at the apartment they start fooling around and just when things are getting hot and heavy he jumps up and starts yelling about how this is wrong and how much he loves his wife and family. He get dresssed and runs back to the mall.

As he is entering the bookstore he freezes. There is a wife looking around for him and she spots him comming in. He decided that the best thing is to confess and beg forgiveness.

He goes right up to her and say that he got picked up by a sexy woman and she took him back to her apartmant and started to make love to him.

She looks him straight in the eye and say, " Dont give me that crap, you sneaked back the the lab to get some more work done, didn't you".

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A Catholic, a Muslim, and an engineer were sentenced to death on the guillotine. The operators of the death machine customarily gave each client the choice of whether he would lay face up or face down. First up, the Muslim goes "I wish to look up into the eyes of Allah". Click, swooosh, CLANK! goes the blade as it stops within a couple of feet from the bottom. Praise be to Allah, his will must was done - the Muslim goes free.

Next comes the catholic and he states, "I wish to behold the beauty of the heavenly skies as I look up to meet my maker". Again, click, swooosh, CLANK! as the blade stops before doing its job. Praise God - the Catholic goes free.

As the engineer mounts the block, face up with a quizzical glance upward, he goes, "Hey, I think I see your problem!"

Bob Swinney

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Bob Swinney

The difference between cowboy boots and engineer boots?

The cowboy boots have the sh** on the outside!

#################### Keep the whole world singing. . . Dan G (remove the 7)

GeoffH wrote:

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Dan G

The difference between cowboy boots and engineer boots is that with cowboy boots, the shit's on the outside.

Reply to
John D. Farr

No, I don't want too! It's bad enough having to work with them.


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I'd watch my step if I were you. Only bikers wear engineer boots around here.

Reply to
Jim Stewart

Whats the diference between a Harley rider and a Hoover vacuum? With the Hoover, the dirt bag is on the inside.

Gunner Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt.

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Buying your ticket

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all!) When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip.

To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs.

Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "ticket, please."

Reply to
Boris Mohar

A group of managers were ask to measure the height of a flagpole. So they go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and pretty soon they'er falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures - the whole thing is just a mess. An engineer comes along and sees what they'er trying to do. walks over. pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from ene to end, gives the measurement to one of the managers, and walks away.after the engineer leaves, one manager turns to another and laughs, "Isn't that just like an engineer? We're looking for the height and he gives us the lenght,"

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Kevin Beitz

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