While crusin' channels one recent evening and not finding much, I tripped on a fishin' show which turned out to be an infomercial. Banjo minnows. Even Babe Winkleman endorses them. Wow! I *never* bite on those TV ads, but that one got me. It's that time of year. $19.99
+S&H, order now and... well, you know. Ah mean, dayum, that is one seductive lookin' lure and Babe Winkleman sez it shore works for him. I haven't seen Babe Winkleman on the teevee for a decade but thar he is on channel 242 endorsing them Banjo Minnows and catchin' crappies and bass and walleyes and northerns and ah don't know whutall lahk hell won't have it.Awright, so I grabbed the phone. Right ear still works purty good. Mary was laughing at me as you might suspect. The phone number got me a computer with voice recognition. Not very good voice recognition as it turns out. I tried to order one package of banjo minnows and one pack of them big suckers with the sinker hooks and weedguard rubberbands and everthang.
Next morning I got an email telling me that I'd ordered 4 sets, and the bastards had multiplied the S&H by 4 as well. Total, $115. Uh, no! I called the toll-free number. Got a person with the world's worst headset so I had to have Mary be interloquter. The lady said they couldn't cancel the order because it had already shipped. (Yeah, right.) Mary pressed for an RMA number, we are not accepting this situation. 100% Mary was once purchasing agent for my teams, knows how to deal with vendors. She got an RMA but later I realized that they'd probably only credit me with value of returned goods and still stick me for the exorbitant S&H so what I really need to do is refuse the entire shipment and dispute the credit card charge.
Several days later I got an email that my order had shipped -- thus confirming that I'd been lied to earlier. FedEx, with a tracking number. The tracking number worked. FedEx and UPS usually just drop stuff here, don't bother with signatures. It's Minnesota where all of the children are above average, parcels are left on porches and friendly neighbors feel free to borrow some sour cream, coffee, sugar or gunpowder. I'd put a sign on the front door that we did not wish to accept FedEx shipment # 123xyz The FedEx tracking website said it was in Brooklyn Park yesterday so I figured it'd be delivered today.
About 1600 the doorbell rang. I saw a USPS truck at the curb just leaving and a parcel on the porch. USPS? Somehow USPS delivered the parcel shipped and tracked by FedEx using "smart post" whatever that is. Go figure.
I took the parcel to the post office and told them I wanted to refuse delivery, return to sender. The clerk said it wasn't FedEx if it was delivered by a USPS mail truck. I showed him the shipping label with the tracking number on it. He insisted that it was USPS. I said OK, whatever, I'd told the sender I didn't want it, I'd posted a sign on the door not to leave it that the delivery person ignored, now what. He said a USPS delivery person would have ignored the sign if it said FedEx. Arrgghhh. I managed to skip saying that the goddamned tracking number was on the goddamned sign in 16 point bold font if the d*****ad driving the truck could read. The postal clerk cheerfully accepted the parcel and tossed it into a pile behind him to be returned to sender.
I doubt that banjo minnows are fragile.
Tonight the FedEx website proudly proclaims that the parcel was delivered today. I guess that's true, wonder what it'll say tomorrow. I'll bet it won't change.
I've learned that credit card companies won't deal with disputed charges until after they've been billed. Maybe vendors don't get paid until the credit card company does, don't know how that works. Whatever.
On the couple of occasions in the past where I've disputed charges the credit card companies have been very accomodating so I'm not expecting a fight here. But times do change. If the credit card folks try to blow smoke and snowflakes, the simple bottom line is that I am not gonna pay this, not a cent of it, not ever. If they want to cancel the card, phffft. If they threaten or act to foul my credit rating I'll see if they fancy having the (liberal) MN attorney general Lori Swanson after them for predatory practice against a senior citizen who is a decorated veteran, a Finn in MN, and maybe I can contrive some hispanic lineage. Gramma Drew Foreman was a missionary in Peru, after all. Donald Sirola Silverio Martinez Mendoza...