Disaster struck last night!
About 8pm, I received some surprise visitors. My cousin, her husband and their angelic child had decided to come and visit me,unannounced, all the way from London (I live in Norfolk). I live in a 2 up, 2 down. I have one bed - the other "bedroom" is a railway room. Needless to say, they expected to be put up for the night (where?). The child (6 years old) was also tired and fractious- hardly surprising. The only way that they had managed to keep him quiet was to promise that he could "play with Uncle Enzo's train set".
I pointed out that it wasn't a "train set" but a model railway. However I eventually agreed that the little darling could watch it in operation. Anything to stop the snivelling - and that was just the parents!
First question: "Where's Thomas?" I explained that the model represents the London Midland region in 1956 (or with a few minor changes, the LMS in 1936) and that Thomas lives on the Isle of Sodor, not my railway.
Not good enough. "Want Thomas!" stated the cherub loudly, bottom lip a-tremble. "Where's Thomas?" With a sinking feeling in my stomach I realised that very shortly I would be staring down the barrel of a hissy fit - a situation with which I was ill equipped to deal. I looked around for moral support to find that cousin-and-hubby had left me alone with the adorable angel and were downstairs opening a bottle of wine (*My* wine, I must point out) without an invitation!
In desperation I pointed out the train that was running. The apple of my eye. A Caprotti Black 5, ugly as sin, weathered to perfection, hauling a fitted freight, each van subtly different, weathered and close coupled. It took my breath away just to see it.
The child was not impressed and instantly morphed into the Spoiled Brat Demon from the Seventh Level of Hell. Without warning, he screamed at the top of his lungs and swatted the Black 5, which was knocked off the track, severed footsteps flying around like shrapnel. Somehow in the melee the buffers and coupling from the van on the engine also came adrift. I looked on aghast, but the SBD from the SLH was only just getting into his stride. The next strike was the signal box. He plucked it from the layout and hurled it at the wall! OK, so it was only a Dapol/Airfix box and not particularly accurate for the LMS/LM region, but it had been lovingly detailed inside and out. I liked it. Alas, before my very eyes it shuffled off the mortal coil, rang down the curtains and went to join the choir invisbule. It is now an ex-Signal box.
So, I grabbed the brat, who was now kicking and screaming, and dragged it downstairs to present it to its parents. They were very angry - understandably so I thought, considering the behaviour of their foul progeny. Incredibly, they were angry with *me* for manhandling their abhorrent offspring. I hadn't realised that parents of a vile brat misbehaving quite dreadfully in someone else's home could ever get quite so territorial. So, I considered my options - apology, reconciliation or stern-but-fair rebuke. After a moment's thought I rejected them all and settled for losing my temper. I asked them to leave(in no uncertain terms, which were a melange of ****, **** and **** with a judicious smattering of
******* for good measure) In the end I virtually threw them out into the street and withdrew upstairs to assess the damage.The engine and van are repairable (in fact, they are now well on the road to recovery). Sadly, the signal box is a right-off.
So, to my point ("At last!" I hear you sigh!)
I think that the box needs to be replaced with something a little more representative of the LMS. I've looked at the Langley kit, but it seems to be somewhat larger than the old Airfix box. Can someone please tell me the dimensions of the kit? Alternatively, could someone recommend a suitable signal box?
And where can I get Prozac from on a Sunday morning? I still haven't calmed down......!
-- Livid Enzo
I wear the cheese. It does not wear me.