OT: Fran Update

Dave:

Thanks. I'm vacillating between anxiety, helplessness, frustration, and unfocused anger. I need a dog to kick. Just kidding. :)

Darrell:

Thanks.

I'll do that.

Oh hell, just text the duty nurse how to fix the problem.

WEs

Wes:

Gee, why didn't *I* think of that. BTW, how do you text from a rotary phone? :)

BottleBob wrote in news:AdmdnTlPxptFP6TUnZ2dnUVZ snipped-for-privacy@earthlink.com:

Bob,

Sorry to hear about the latest developments. Hopefully as I get further down the posts things will have taken a turn for the better.

If it comes to valve replacement, I've worked with a number of companies in this field and IMHO these are the guys you want to buy a heart valve from -

I don't know if you are given choices in these situations but this company is obsessive with insuring that their processes and quality are nothing less than the best. So much so that they bought far more expensive machines to machine the carbon valves based solely on the accuracy of the equipment. They even hired a consulting engineer to evaluate the various machine tool designs.

They also did extensive testing and documentation up front and they have a program in place where the machines are evaluated regularly against the original base line.

In other words they were a giant pain in the ass to deal with. But if they were putting a heart valve in my wife or me, I wouldn't have it any other way.

I've been in other medical companies where I wouldn't want their stuff used in cattle. Thankfully one of them was sued out of existance a while back.

The good news is that we live in an age where replacing a heart valve is commonplace and outcomes are generally very good. And there are loads of people refining the products and improving the processes and procedures used every day. So while it is still major surgery you can be confident that the products used and the procedures are very safe and work well.

Good luck to you and yor wife.

Dan:

Jeeze, I left out not just one word, but two words, to have that sentence make sense. I must be more preoccupied than I thought.

I'll call the hospital tomorrow for the results of the test. But truthfully, I'm leaning toward Fran not having the surgery unless absolutely necessary. Too risky to just eliminate the occasional occurrence of shortness of breath.

That's quite the bit of legerdemain, turning an off topic thread back to being machining related. The sign of a true metal-head for sure. :)

I appreciate your concern.

You need a dog to kick cause we know that cat ain't gonna put up with your shit......

Tom: Yeah, you're probably right there. He jumped in my lap while I was watching TV, and I was absent mindedly petting him when all of a sudden he BIT my arm for no reason. Fran's damn cat! :)

I quite agree with this logic. If they don't agree, I'd get 2nd/3rd opinions.

A love bite? Mine love-chew/love-claw me head to toe. :)

One tends toward the full-blown maul, but he's got PTSD.

PV:

Weren't you just complaining about the alleged $500 fee for an extra doctor popping in? Now you WANT two or three popping in? :)

BottleBob wrote in news:U9SdndJyaudnRafUnZ2dnUVZ snipped-for-privacy@earthlink.com:

Bob, I hope Fran (and you) pull through this OK. My best wishes and prayers go out to you both.

Anthony:

Thank you. I'll find out the results of the TEE test tomorrow.

I have no clue whether this will help; but I'll offer it just in case.

A few years ago, my wife's mother had some scary surgery. My wife, and all of her many siblings, were seriously worried and upset, of course. I wanted desperately to do something, anything, that would help; but there simply wasn't anything to be done. I did the few small things I could think of (like going out for coffee when everybody was camped at the hospital), but I found no way at all to make any difference about fears and emotions. So, without planning or trying, I ended up being pretty much useless. The best I could manage in the way of emotional aid was to keep my own thoughts and feelings to myself, just because my wife didn't need to deal with those in addition to her own worries. I went with her wherever she needed to go. I listened patiently, offering little of my own, to all the conversations and commiserations. I held my tongue when things got out of hand, and when everbody started sharing their own opinions about what might happen, how bad it could get, how some alternative medicine from an Indonesian faith-healer made more sense than what the surgeons were saying, etc. And I sort of worried that I was being cold, unsympathetic, or even distant, at a time when I should have found a way to do much more.

Months later, after things had settled down, talk at a get-together of my wife's family turned to the subject of the surgery, from which mom-in-law had ultimately emerged just fine. My wife surprised me by mentioning how much I'd helped, and how much it had meant to have someone around who wasn't crying, wasn't panicked, and was able to remain reliably calm in the midst of all the madness. It turns out that I was her "rock", and that having something solid nearby had been extremely important and helpful.

You may never know for sure; and Fran may not realize it herself; but sometimes it really is best just to be there, and to let someone know and trust that you always will be there, even if you can't do more than that. We all need someone to lean on, sometimes. Someone solid and unafraid. Someone who, like a doctor, can help us best because he doesn't feel our pain.

My guess is that you're already doing all the right things. But you always wish you could do more. Put that worry aside. Trust yourself. You may already be doing more, and more good, than you can possibly know, precisely BECAUSE you know your limits, and because you're able to remain solid and calm.

KG

Kirk:

Yes, it did/does help. And I am grateful you took the time to relay your experiences.

When I'm visiting with Fran I never whine, complain, or dwell on the negative prognosis of her maladies, but instead try to be as upbeat & optimistic as I can. Joking and kidding with her to try to allay her own fears and concerns.

This thread and the E-mails I've received, are focused on Fran, but I see them also as a window into the underlying caring and compassion of others. Having a "hard-shell-finish" is almost a prerequisite for adequate functioning in society and to protect us from being overwhelmed by all the misery that we see around us in the world. I think we all try to objectify our own painful personal situations, to take the 'sting' out of them. I also believe that our willingness to take the risk of experiencing emotional pain is an indication of our ability to feel happiness, contentment, and love as well. Put more succinctly, the depth of our ability to love seems dependent upon our willingness to feel pain. Many people try to turn off all feeling entirely so they won't have to feel pain, I've done that myself in the past. And personally at this point in time I think it's a mistake, since it cuts us off from what it really means to LIVE, and be ALIVE.

Just came back from the hospital (Sunday, Dec 7, 2008).

Fran was alert, in good spirits, and asking when she can come home. The doctor wasn't there, but from my interpretation of what the nurse said - the TEE test didn't show any immediate need to do any open heart surgery. But she still has episodes of trouble breathing. They've been giving her solid food, and all she wants to do is go out back and smoke a cigarette. So barring any further helicopter rides back into the forest, things 'seem' to be getting back to normal.

Sounds good, fingers and toes crossed.

Is she in intensive care or a regular room?

Put your foot down, keep her off the sticks for awhile, there is a lot of healing to do and smoking does not assist healing.

Tom