Machine Shop Knowlige Base

Machine Shop Knowlige Base

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching = flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the = chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted = project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could = get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere = under the workbench with the speed of light . Also removes fingerprints = and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to = say, 'Oh sh--!' =20 SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the = creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert = minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board = principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable = motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more = dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off = bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to = transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.=20

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various = flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the = grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing = race.=20

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch = wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.=20

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the = ground after you have installed your new brake shoes , trapping the jack = handle firmly under the bumper.=20

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most = shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily = fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead = of the outside edge.=20

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile = strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.=20

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under = lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil = on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out = Phillips screw heads.=20

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes = used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and = butchering your palms.=20

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or = bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.=20

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.=20

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer = nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive = parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.=20

UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of = cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well = on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, = collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. = Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

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Guv Bob
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