OT: Condoms and septic tanks

During most of the 1970's and 1980's I was an over the road truck driver. In
the early 1980's I found a rural acreage with an older home that I decided to
buy. Since I wasn't home often enough to take care of it I decided to rent it
out. A young married couple were the first ones to answer my ad so I rented to
them. I had left them instructions to call a friend of mine who was a licensed
electrician and plumber in case there were any problems. My renters mailed
their rent check each month to my CPA and for four years the check was there
two or three days before it was due, just like clockwork. So when I got a
message from my dispatcher that I needed to call my CPA I was a little curious
about what the problem was. I called the CPA and he told me my rent would be
late because my renter was in jail for beating the hell out of his wife.I
couldn't understand what the problem was because they always seemed to get
along great and Keith sure didn't seem like the kind of guy to beat his wife.
My CPA also told me he had paid my plumber for some work to the septic tank.
So I call my friend (Ralph) the plumber to ask what the problem was with my
septic tank. He immediately starts laughing. When he stops I ask him what was
so funny. He told me my renter had called complaining that the drains were
draining slow and sometimes backing up. He took the honey wagon out to pump out
the septic tank. Voila. . . the problem was obvious. Several hundred condoms
had evidently been flushed down the commode and they had plugged the system up.
As he was cleaning up and getting ready to leave he told Keith that in the
future it would be a good idea not to flush his condoms down the toilet but to
find another way of disposing of them. Ralph said Keith immediately turned a
bright red and said " I don't use condoms". Ralph said he just turned around
and walked to this truck and took off. The next day he heard that Keith was in
jail for beating his wife. I guess the wife refused to press charges against
him because they were back together a few weeks later. They did move out
shortly after that though. I always wondered which one of my neighbors it was
that was being neighborly though.
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I wonder if Keith came home one mid-day, pounded on the front door and trotted around to the back of house to see who ran out that way.
Reply to
Jeff Wisnia
Takes the title of the Story of the Month. Thanks!
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Had something similar happen to me in my mis-spent youth. Only I was upstairs when the husband sneaked in the house and heard us in the upstairs bedroom. He fired his pistol up through the ceiling from down below, slightly grazing my ass. Had he come in a minute earlier he would have gotten me right between the eyes. Been known as "Lucky" ever since.
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Lucky Larry
I may have posted this story before, but I can't find any trace. If so, I apologize.
When one of my British friends was a medical student, he and a friend were enjoying a pint one summer afternoon in the quadrangle outside "Med Club", the student pub located in the hospital complex. While they were sitting there, a couple of maintenance men pulled up in a truck, got out with some tools, and levered open a large rectangular manhole cover that covered the central sewer for the nurses' residents that surrounded the quadrangle. They then stopped and regarded what was obviously blocking the sewer, a mass of what appeared to be foam that bulged ominously out of the manhole. After tentatively poking it with a shovel they suddenly stepped back in amazement, said something and jumped back in the truck and buggered off. My friend and his mate, curious, walked over to the open manhole to see what had caused them to rush off. When they got near the manhole, it suddenly dawned on them that the "foam" was thousands of used condoms packed into the manhole, most with knots tied in them. They still couldn't understand why the two workmen had rushed off, but went back to their bench to finish their pints. A few minutes later the truck reappeared, this time filled with a dozen or so other maintenance workers. They all got out and walked up to the manhole. The new arrivals stared in amazement as the original two showed them what they had found. They all stood there for a long time, chattering and laughing about this amazing discovery. During this discussion the men would occassionally gaze up thoughtfully at the windows of the nurses' residents all around them, or carefully eye one of the nurses walking by, returning from duty or going off to start her shift. Apparently this experience gave them all a new understanding and respect for what went on in these buildings in off-duty hours.
-- Bob (Chief Pilot, White Knuckle Airways)
I don't have to like Bush and Cheney (Or Kerry, for that matter) to love America
Reply to
Bob Chilcoat
Isn't it ironic that when you're a teen ager the most exiting thing in your life is getting a piece of as-. And sixty years later the most exciting thing in your life becomes having a good sh-t.
Happy Holidays all,
Jeff (Whose mother never saw the irony in calling him an SOB.)
Reply to
Jeff Wisnia
I was working pumping septic tanks many years ago and had a similar expierence. I had dug up the lid of the septic tank one sat morn in prep to sucking it's contents out. The wife and husband came out of the house to talk and watch. Floting on top with the cruse was 50 or so condoms. Husband saw them and starting quizing the wife about where they came from. The house was bought by them new, and he said that he never used them. I was glad to get my money and get out before the fireworks really started
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I would think if they tried to stiff you on the bill, you really would have had the ultimate retaliation. Simply return the goods to them.
In their basement, in their car, on the lawn, etc...
Reply to
jim rozen
Never got stiffed. I was more afraid what the situiation might develop into and I did not want to be in the crossfire.
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Our Bill had a cement mixer, He was coming home one night, Buy when he see's his house, there's a sports car parked outside.
Well Bill thinks "here's me going out to work" "While me wife's at home on't job" So he ups with his cement mixer Fills the car right up to top
Bill gets back in his cab and sits As quiet as a mouse And he sees the bloke coming to his car But he comes from next doors house
Well Bill starts up his engine He'd never felt such a prat He was down the road and a mile away in 20 seconds flat
But if Bill had stayed a bit longer he'd have seen his wife so sweet givin a kiss to her lover boy As he cycled down the street
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Forgot the last bit:
Now Billy's wife she gets her oats And Billy feels a twerp For thinking his wife was having it off WHilst he was out at work
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You're renter's wife may have been innocent. Rubbers last forever in septic tanks and sewers. Only thing that breaks them down is ozone and sunlight. Could have been the previous owners or their renters.
A young woman friend of mine works for a local municipality as a "waste engineer" (she actually has an engineering degree and is small enough that she can walk around in 100 year old brick sewers without stooping). She says she can date when a line was added to the system by the kinds of condoms that are in the muck on the bottom. Some of her coworkers have found eel skin condoms (we're talking before Goodyear figured out how to vulcanize rubber in the 19th century) that were still flexible and sound. Archaeologists have even found Roman era condoms in the sewers under Rome which were still identifiable.
Reply to
Jim McGill
Was it the OJ's wife and her boyfriends' killer?
Seriously , could you maybe ask for a good site that gives the break down of what is in sewer systems for a typically large US city??? I tried to find out for about 4 hours and all I get is bias BS and very general focused aspects , but not percentages of all.
The EPA changes are wild to read , but that's not what I'm looking for. Volume and how much of what is important.
The only condom story I have is the girlfriend's dad finding the dog chewing on the one from the night before under the breakfast table.
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ROFLMAO!! Keep 'em coming, guys! (pun? what pun?) Bill
Reply to
Bill P
On Mon, 13 Dec 2004 09:09:32 -0800, Jim McGill calmly ranted:
Yeah, "Trojan" brand, from Greece. And right next to it was an old coin with a mint date of 27BC. ;)
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Reply to
Larry Jaques
Ah sigh.
latex is eaten alive by oils and grease. Just try Petroloem Jelly some time :-) My experience as a young man walking from school to the malt shop/hamburger spot at lunch - across a very large field in a barren area - behind the walls of the football stadium .. . is there are rings left. Only the tight rings survive the sun or alkaline soil they lay on. Yes - it turned out to be a lovers lane. I was just to young to know what happened there at night before I walked through.
I figure kitchen oils and fats do their work only when there is enough agitation in the tank or such.
Ever put lime down the John to help out the tank rid itself of grease ? Hum. Martin
Reply to
Martin H. Eastburn
There are urethane types nowadays. Supposed to have some advantages even if none of the folks directly involved is allergic to latex.
Best regards, Spehro Pefhany
Reply to
Spehro Pefhany
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What were the ones used by the Romans made of?
Enjoy DoN.
Reply to
DoN. Nichols
Lamb skin, canonically. The subject occurs occasionally in Roman literature.
I can see it now: Condomology as a sub-branch of archeology. The other thing that occurs to me is I hope the folks who found those eel-skin condoms don't try to re-use them.
Projects expand to fill the clamps available -- plus 20 percent
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