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Shop Humor: You're Fired!

Here's a story I wrote back in jan'06. I'll bet some of you can relate, eih? phil ;>))

Yup, you're fired! That's what happened in my shop today. I was getting tired of junk crowding me out of work space and today was the last straw! Who is the most useless around here I asked. My attention was first drawn to that old hydraulic bumper jack: what have you done lately that justifies your existence? That jack says: well, I've been holding your extension cords for some time now. Holding cords? Your job is to lift cars by their bumpers not hold extension cords! You're fired! Come on out of that spot you've been calling home for so long. Come on out of there, what's the problem here, stubborn eih? Who's hanging onto your leg anyway. Hmmm, there's that gas water pump tangled up and won't let go like it's losing an old friend! Hey pump you don't belong here either so it's off to living in the sauna for you! And out they went, the jack to the woodshed and the pump to the sauna. Good riddance! Back in the shop the next victim was a huge electric motor: what have you done to justify your existence here? I've been holding your spare weld cable. Holding cable like the jack was holding cords? Naw, wrong answer, you're supposed to make things turn with your power but now you don't work anymore because you claim your windings are shorted and I ain't taking that excuse to live in here so you're fired too! Out with you and you get to live in the snowbank out back till spring! Back in the shop the stuff on the shelf was giggling and chuckling about those guys getting the axe. Not so fast you shelf dwellers, you're next! Your shelves are gonna get torn down to make room for the press and the spare welder, at least they _do_ something around here. The 4x6 saw was grinning from ear to ear hearing all this action and said it was about time I took the law into my own hands and cleaned house! The saw looked down at it's feet and all the junk iron there and said you're next junkpile! I like the work the saw does and apologized for letting junk pile up under it. So now the other sectors are getting the idea and promised to do better. Well I hope so, I'm a bit crabby about now. Those books better get up on a new shelf or they are history and that applies to all those chunks of round bar too! Man, how long has this been going on right under my nose? Who dragged this stuff in here, like the Malagutti engine case w/o cylinder, the cow barn exhaust fan, the bag of rags, the pile of rope tow wheels, deer antlers from '88, a quarter gallon of lab grade hydrochloric acid, jeez...! Where did all this stuff come from and who brought it here? Anyway, the shop is feeling much better already! 05jan06pdk

Reply to
Phil Kangas
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Oh, yes. Thanks for the smile.

Reply to
Doug Miller

On Fri, 12 Mar 2010 22:58:40 -0500, the infamous "Phil Kangas" scrawled the following:

Not at all. You moved half a dozen things and were done? Nope. Can't relate at all. I'd move that many things per square foot in my shop, and there are over 400 of those s/f thingies there.

You've never seen my shop and likely never will. I sure wouldn't post a picture of it for God and Everybody to see.

Cute story, thanks.

-- Perhaps the most valuable result of all education is the ability to make yourself do the thing you have to do, when it ought to be done, whether you like it or not; it is the first lesson that ought to be learned; and however early a man's training begins, it is probably the last lesson that he learns thoroughly. -- Thomas H. Huxley

Reply to
Larry Jaques

Me neither!

(you've seen mine, you know why....LOL)

Jon

Reply to
Jon Anderson

On Sat, 13 Mar 2010 09:01:52 -0800, the infamous Jon Anderson scrawled the following:

Ayup.

Mine's more dusty, but they look the same, with the tiny path to and fro, in between the stacked crap, mat'ls, and tools.

-- Perhaps the most valuable result of all education is the ability to make yourself do the thing you have to do, when it ought to be done, whether you like it or not; it is the first lesson that ought to be learned; and however early a man's training begins, it is probably the last lesson that he learns thoroughly. -- Thomas H. Huxley

Reply to
Larry Jaques

I'd rather go on Jerry Springer than show my shops current condition.

As soon as frost laws come off and the garbage collector will empty my tote, there will be a mass firing in my shop.

Wes

Reply to
Wes

On Sat, 13 Mar 2010 17:44:39 -0500, the infamous Wes scrawled the following:

What a horrible thought! (and ditto)

there will be

I need to buy half a dozen stepping stones and put them in front of my pumphouse door so I can get in there in the wet season, then move my firings out there. Hmm, better order some plastic bags first. (I hate bins full of dust and spider webs, KnowwhatImean,Vern?)

-- I must study politics and war that my sons may have liberty to study mathematics and philosophy. My sons ought to study mathematics and philosophy, geography, natural history, naval architecture, navigation, commerce, and agriculture, in order to give their children a right to study painting, poetry, music, architecture, statuary, tapestry, and porcelain. -- John Adams

Reply to
Larry Jaques

Path? You have paths?

Reply to
Don Foreman

I guy a knew in my younger days had his motorcycle parts stored about 4' deep in one area of his pole barn. When he needed a part he would walk on top of the boxes, start digging down to what he wanted. I have no clue how he kept all the locations straight but he could find anything he wanted in about 10 minutes. Oh, just for reference, we counted 115 bikes or frames, that was just his motorcycle stuff. On the OTHER side of the shop was the BIG stuff.

Reply to
RoyJ

On Sat, 13 Mar 2010 22:45:54 -0600, the infamous Don Foreman r scrawled the following:

I HAD to. I kept slipping on the crap if I tried to step on and over it all. It got too dangerous otherwise, as a fall in there could be fatal. Impalement ain't my cuppa.

-- I must study politics and war that my sons may have liberty to study mathematics and philosophy. My sons ought to study mathematics and philosophy, geography, natural history, naval architecture, navigation, commerce, and agriculture, in order to give their children a right to study painting, poetry, music, architecture, statuary, tapestry, and porcelain. -- John Adams

Reply to
Larry Jaques

Buddy of mine got too fat to make it up a fold down attic ladder to access all of the original boxes and packaging for his antique metal toy collection. There are thousands of them up there. The toys are on display downstairs.

Finding the correct boxes when he sells some toys is a real PITA, so he can usually only get a sucker to go up there once. There are no paths or method to his madness. And it's usually hotter'n hell up there. Seemed like a good idea at the time, he says .

Newb

Reply to
nobody

I'd say you were fired because you missed that day in third grade when they explained paragraphs.

-Frank

Reply to
Frank J Warner

"Frank J Warner"

spam snipped... paragraphs? paragraphs? I don't need no stinking paragraphs! Idiot! Haven't you heard of artistic license? Go vacuum that hospital room you call a shop, eih? I'll write with whatever style I please....phil

Reply to
Phil Kangas

Me, too.

Nekkid.

--Winston

Reply to
Winston

Does the ceiling count?

Reply to
Michael A. Terrell

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