For your delectation....

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Stephen Howard 22 years ago

Not long ago in this fair, noble land stood Airy of Bean with a saw in his hand. Trying quite vainly to cut yonder steel that for e'en a child t'would've been no big deal. "Fie and a pox, why this job is a chore" cried Airy of Bean, his arms greatly sore, "I've nay half the strength of a big hairy nutter, I'm off aye to buy me a magical cutter".

Henceforth to Donnington Airy did roam o'er hill, dale and tussock - past Hobbit and Gnome, to find the much fabled Black Man of Gates with wholesomely goods at much cheaply rates. "Good trader pray help" quoth Airy of Bean "my needs are much grave for a certain machine." "I have one just here sir, a stout little hacksaw, for groats I'll deliver it right to your front door".

Airy of Bean, his knees all a quiver did unpack his goods, with nay further dither. And then didst he shriek a fair terrible cry, through layers of sacking the beast did he spy. "What low deed is this, this base hunk of metal - what ignorant knave has buggered my fettle? I'll rant and I'll rave, I'll turn the air blue, that Black Man of Gates - why I might even sue!"

But then did a shiver strike Airy of Bean, "That Black Man of Gates is quite hefty and mean. I'll trouble him not, t'would send him in rages, I'll log on the nette and pester the Sages". So scribble he did, to groups engineering "Lis't to me now of my tales not endearing". And so they did listen, and gave this reply "Send the thing back, he`ll replace by and by".

"He won't" wailed the Bean, his ague much indignant. "He will" cried the Sages "tis written in pigment". "Weighs nigh on eight pounds" exclaimed Bean "that's quite scary!". The Sages replied "Thou art just a big fairy". So Airy of Bean, his comments rebuffed, considered his plight, feeling nay not that chuffed. "I know what I'll do, I'll show them who'll win - I'll toss the whole lot in my wastepaper bin!"

Here endeth the tale of Airy of Bean but something's not right, or so it would seem. Why shell out good groats for an item that's faulty then chuck it away, in a mood foul and haughty? Can it be true, was it really that bad, is Airy of Bean aye really that sad? No-one will know, for it lies in a bucket.... was it just broken...or did he just f*ck it.

Regards,

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Andrew Mawson 22 years ago

Stephen,

I take my hat off to you - absolutely EXCELLENT., you have hidden talents that should be exploited !

Andrew Mawson

(who likes Bean soup, Bean stew, in facts any form of mashed Bean !)

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John Stevenson 22 years ago

Absolutely brilliant, This one is a keeper and goes to the top of my saved list.

Possibly the only thing to beat this would be reading his obituary.

-- Regards,

John Stevenson Nottingham, England.

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Frank Turner-Smith G3VKI 22 years ago

copied to uk.radio.amateur - an excellent post.

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Tony Jeffree 22 years ago

Brilliant!

And now in Haiku form:

Bean's Autumn purchase And his eager anticipation Have turned to dust.

Regards, Tony

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Tony Jeffree 22 years ago

And now the Limerick:

There was an old fellow named Bean Who bought a hack-sawing machine "It'll never cut metal - There's a fault in the fettle" So now his machine's a has-been.

Regards, Tony

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Binary Era 22 years ago

Thanks, Frank, for bringing this to the attention of ukra.

And thanks too, to Stephen Howard for his perceptive creation!

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Chris Kirby 22 years ago

Stephen Howard wrote

Brilliant! Maybe the Chippenham *Amateur* Dramatic Society (CADS) could be persuaded to enact it!

Cheers,

-- Chris

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God's gift to women 22 years ago

Indeed, perhaps Airy, could be cast as himself. Trouble is, we all know what a terrible memory he has :-(

Regards tox

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Chris Kirby 22 years ago

No, I don't think so, it was the main casting that started the trouble in the first place ....

:-)

-- Chris

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Airy R. Bean 22 years ago

I am pleased to see that the message has got through to you.

Avoid Blackgates like the plague.

Caveat Emptor.

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Airy R. Bean 22 years ago

Amusing, but obviously your fit of pique that you were brought up by the short and curlies for your infantile demeanour.

As I said to you, twice recently, because of your rather silly and childis outbursts......Stupid Boy!

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God's gift to women 22 years ago

Ah, but to which casting are you referring, ISTR, he "acquired" one after a certain Land Rover incident :-)

Regards tox

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Frank Turner-Smith G3VKI 22 years ago

ROTFL!

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huLLy 22 years ago

Airy scratches head..

'Is it coz I is perfect that people don't like me?'

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Graham W 22 years ago

THIS IS TOO GOOD TO KEEP TO OURSELVES. IT NEEDS POSTING TO THE NORTH WILTSHIRE MODEL ENGINEERS

formatting link

I WONDER IF THEY KNOW WHAT A MASTER FETTLER THEY HAVE IN THEIR CLUB?

73s de

GW

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Jonathan Barnes 22 years ago

< snip >

Thank you Stephen.

I think I'm about to add to this flame war :-(

I have a band saw, but it needs about a foot of material to grip in it's vice.

I need to saw blocks, mostly quite small and I was wondering is I could build a power hacksaw over a table I could set a vice on.

I have herd enough people spring to Blackgates defence to think their kit might form a basis for my project.

I would like a reminder of the Blackgate web sight.

I will try to get to Harrogate, and if Blackgate are going there I will ask them to bring a kit along.

In view of Mr Beans experience I will try to inspect it before I buy, but I trust his problem with the casting to have been a rare misfortune.

-- Jonathan

Barnes's theorem; for every foolproof device there is a fool greater than the proof.

To reply remove AT

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Airy R. Bean 22 years ago

A prominent member of the SMEE whom I met at the exhibition and with whom I have been having email and phone conversations said that my experiences are not alone; he said that Blackgates have gone downhill since they were sold/taken over.

If you want a saw, there are now some small Chinese bandsaws around which have a greater capacity and are cheaper to buy than the Blackgates version.

In addition, you have a motor supplied and fitted.

As always.....caveat emptor.

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