If we are being literary ............
Engine Man's Will
Being of sound mind and body, I _____, do hereby record this, my last will and testament.
Knowing that my wife and other family have no appreciation of, or in some instances knowledge of, my extensive collection of Interesting Spares, engines, generators, pumps, motorcycles and other things which can only be described as Rusty Junk (hereinafter described as the Collections) that are deposited throughout the house, garden, sheds, garage, workshop - and the two lock-up garages situated at ___________ which will come as a complete surprise to my immediate family.
Knowing also that my wife has notified the local scrap yard that, should I precede her to the great workshop in the sky, he should immediately pick up and dispose of the aforementioned collection before more sympathetic persons have the opportunity to arrange the proper disposal of the aforementioned Collections.
Therefore, I do will these Collections, and all items related to them such as books, magazines, posters, signs and other ephemera to my dear friend _______. It is my wish that upon hearing of my death and obtaining clear proof that I did not manage - although I will certainly have tried - to take it with me, he will come to my home post haste and certainly before the sticky-fingered scrap man - with whom I have fought the good fight for many a year - and shall search out my Collections wherever they may be stored. The said Collections shall be removed to a place of safety and there catalogued with a spectroscope, a horoscope and a telescope, each and every item being divided into lots in a fair and equitable fashion.
And after this has been done, my friends not yet departed shall gather in one place at one time and they shall hold a wake and say lovely and kind things about me until they run out of breath, wit and drink and then they shall divide amongst themselves, by lot, my wonderful Collections, exclaiming the while on the forethought and strength of character shown by the Collector - to wit, me.
I shall be hovering over that very spot until this is done and shall not shuffle off this mortal coil until I am satisfied that my Collections have gone whence they will be appreciated. To avoid the nasty minded profiteer gaining by the goodwill of others, no item or items thus leaving my spiritual grasp shall be made available for sale for five years following the day of my death. So there.
Then all those present shall load their newly-gotten gains into their vehicles and drive away, leaving the car, the house and all the stocks, bonds, cash and other similar worldly trivialities to those who Don't Understand.
This is my wish in the matter and I stipulate that no other of my possessions may be disposed of, sold, devolved or otherwise removed from my home until the above has been arranged and carried through to the letter.
So there!
Regards,
J. Kim Siddorn,