This is how to be a locksmith.

Hope everybody enjoyed what it means to be a locksmith.

Here's how my day went yesterday:

Call 1 Lockout residential.

I'd been to this one before and installed the locks, since I save the biting on every lock job I do, This comes in handy for callouts and for when people bounce a check or something. I politely explain to them that keeping their key bitings secure costs money and that without enough money who knows what could happen with those key bitings LMFAO. Needless to say I made the key before I ever got in the damn van. Get there woman is freaking about being late for work. Told her locks, Kwikset, were very hard to pick and it would take a long time but that I could open quick for an extra charge by calling the manufacturer and getting the biting to make a key. Told her manufacturer charges $150.00 +1000.00 per year member fee for this service that most locksmiths are too cheap to buy so would be $200.00+ my $100.00 normal lockout service charge. Went back to van and twittled thumbs for couple minutes took key and opened lock. She was thrilled, will call anytime she needs something LMFAO. Usually when I do this I tell them I am going to use a super secret technique called reading the lock and make them leave while I do it then just use the key but I thought I'd try this manufacturer key biting angle this time.

Call 2 The woman from the other day who's Sentry safe I opened up.

Found that combo on a sticky and made her think I was manipulating the damn thing and that it was high security then took the sticky and left. Glad she came through OK and didn't have a heart attack now I can milk her a little more. Now I tell her don't have the combo anymore and where is the sticky I left her with it on it? LMAO. She doesn't know of course because the damn sticky is on my dash LMAO. So I get back over there and break out Mad Mikes manipulator again, got to do something to justify charging $400.00 to pop a Sentry. So I pretend to go through the procedure again and open it for another $400.00 bucks but it gets better it turns out she has found her dead husbands cash stash hidden in the goddamn laundry room of all places so I think fast and hit her up for another 150.00 to do preventive maintenance on the Sentry. ROFLOL. I mean the whole damn thing only costs about that new.

Call 3 Autolockout 90 Lumina. Did keys to this one the other day for which she still owes $50.00 she was supposed to pay me already. Car now has a mysteriously malfunctioning trunk lock. the damn thing has power trunk release but it's mysteriously not working either so I go over. It seems a fuse for the trunk release has somehow fallen out, I wonder how that happened LMFAO and a toothpick has become lodged in the trunk lock. Charge to fix the wire and remove the tooth pick: $200.00 + my Damn $50.00 from the other day the bitch thought she would get out of paying. That damn Luminas getting expensive she needs a new car.

Call 4 Lockout kid locked in car.

The fire dept and cops will do these damn things for free but if they want it for free they should have called the fire dept or cops. It's almost 1 pm now and I feel like calling it a day and don't want to put on a show when I get there so I tell them $200.00 up front to come and open the 91 Escort and I can be there in 5 minutes. I get there and get the $200.00 and stick my slim jim, which will work great on these damn things but not much else, down in the door and pop the latch. The door opens up. You don't even have to pull the handle on these damn things if you do them right. Took about 30 seconds. The people are getting little f****ng Jimmy out of there and I go ahead and get going before they realize they just paid me $200.00 for 30 seconds and a 5 minute drive. Little Jimmy's getting expensive maybe time to leave him on somebody's steps.

I love locksmithing.

Reply to
Certified Master Locksmith
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This is soooooo typical of how these guys operate. Don't call a locksmith. Any handyman can do it or just do it yourself. These guys will rob you blind. If they can't do it when they charge you they will do it when you aren't home.

Reply to
Joe Consumer" <Joe Consumer.Net

call a locksmith.

will rob you

do it when you

he is not a locksmith. anyone can tell he is a troll. well ? anyone but you.

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"Certified Master Locksmith" trolled in message

---snip the troll---

Reply to

Gee. Ya think? :)

Reply to
Bob DeWeese, CML

Yea, I thunk. :-)

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