Or the next best thing...
A few decades ago, I was at the beach one summer with my gal, my brother and
his wife. It was afternoon and we had just gotten back to the cottage after
a day at the beach. Me and the bro just had trunks on, his wife was in her
bikini and my gal was in the shower. When the knock came at the door my
sister-in-law answered the door. She was a department store manager at the
time and kind of prided herself on handling people and managing trouble,
especially with the clueless.
Two JWs started giving her their spiel, while she's trying to give them a
polite brush off. After a few minutes go by she's still trying to sweep them
off the deck and her voice is getting a little louder each time. Finally my
brother gets up and goes over to the door. He doesn't say anything, just
stands there for a minute sizing them up. They keep on yammering and I'm
kind of getting a little rattled 'cause I'm thinking just shut the friggin'
door in their face. That's when it hit me.
I got up and went over to the door and stood on the other side of my
sister-in-law and put my arm around her. My brother picked up on it and he
did the same. We just bunched up and got all cozy looking with these big
shit eating grins on our faces. The JWs are just jaw dropped. One of us
asked them if they'd like to come in and join us and...
They were gone faster than a campaign promise in December. I can still see
the look on their faces.
We laughed about that for years.
An alternative, told by a somewhat bookish friend:
Express interest, but say you're busy, can they come back some evening
Arrange for the Mormon and Hare Krishna evangelists to come at the same
Sit back and take notes.
Wait till they start quoting the Bible at you, then tell them they're
wrong. Prove it by bringing down your own Bible and reading the
accurate quote to them.
What's funny is my one run in with JWs was fast and easy. I opened the
door to two women. They gave me a quick pitch about a meeting, handed
me a paper and left. They gave me the evil-eye but were otherwise
polite. I was in an old beat up t shirt and hadn't shaved, so maybe
the "homeless bum with no money" look has merit.
And I wouldn't hesitate to help someone who fell on their kiester in
front of a store either. I hold doors for people, say please and thank
you and pick up stuff I knock off the shelf at the supermarket. Heck, I
even straighten out the carts at the return spot.
I used to be popular at the LHS because I'd straighten out the
shelves as I'm browsing. I hate messiness which only adds to my stress
in my current situation. (My kid and his family live with me.)
If it's going to be messy I want to be the messmaker. ;)
Bill Banaszak, MFE Sr.
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