Most everyone likely has seen these before, but here they are for those that haven't.
> A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar
> stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings
> your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you
> had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
> WIRE WHEEL:
> Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the
> workbench with the speed of light . Also removes fingerprints and
> hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, > 'Oh sh --'
> SKILL SAW:
> A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
> Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of
> BELT SANDER:
> An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs
> into major refinishing jobs.
> One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle...
> It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the
> more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future > becomes.
> Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If
> nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense
> welding heat to the palm of your hand.
> OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
> Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop
> on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of
> which you want to remove a bearing race..
> TABLE SAW:
> A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles
> for testing wall integrity.
> HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
> Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed
> your new brake shoes , trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper. >
> BAND SAW:
> A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good
> aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash
> can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge. >
> TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
> A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot
> to disconnect.
> PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
> Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening
> old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but
> can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. >
> STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
> A tool for opening paint cans . Sometimes used to convert common slotted
> screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.
> PRY BAR:
> A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you
> needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
> HOSE CUTTER:
> A tool used to make hoses too short.
> Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a
> kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the
> object we are trying to hit.
> UTILITY KNIFE:
> Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons
> delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such
> as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector
> magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful
> for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
> Son of a b*tch TOOL:
> Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling
> 'Son of a b*tch' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the
> next tool that you will need