Hello everyone, I thought I might pass on a tip to those of you on a budget who want to make your Christmas spend go further this year.
Cigarette-end Paper Mache! It's bound to have ANY child addicted within minutes.
Simply collect up those old, discarded cigarette-ends (you're sure to find hundreds on the floor of your local Benefits Office). Empty out any unused tobacco and store this for use later.
Now the fun starts! Your children will become hooked within seconds as they help soak the brown paper strips away from the cotton. Again, ladies, remember to save any leftovers; a thrifty wife will soon spin that cotton into a useful, exotic yarn. Be SURE to make your children wash their hands before handling the cigarette ends; harmful bacteria may damage the fabric, and a childs finger can be home to as many germs as your husbands penis, so ladies - take care here!
Now add more water to the mixture and if you've been following you'll now have a wonderful yellowish pulp which you must allow to stand for a few days. Make sure the mixture doesn't dry out by adding unwanted fluids occasionally. Remove any unwanted cat-solids BEFORE they have a chance to set.
After a week your cigarette-end Paper Mache should be ready for your kids to model with. Encourage their creativity, like one happy mother who wrote that her talented youngster had won a local contest with his cigarette-end model of 20 Malboro Lights ...
Happy Christmas and Best wishes Helga Walters (Housekeeper)