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Old Jokes

Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a pretty receptionist standing at the office coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this she can't stand it anymore and takes Her Complaint to the Personnel Department and states she wants to lay a Sexual harassment grievance against him. The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks, 'What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?' 'It's Keith, the dwarf!'

Reply to
Stadia
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Ahhh...the kind of jokes the wife hates ;)

A drunk in a bar barfs all over his own shirt. =93Damn,=94 he says. =93I puked on my shirt again. If the wife finds out, she=92s gonna kill me.=94

=93Not to worry,=94 says his friend as he sticks a $20 bill in the drunk=92= s pocket. =93Just tell her someone puked on you and gave you some cash to cover the cleaning bill.=94

So the drunk goes home and tells his wife about the guy who puked on him. She reaches into his pocket and finds two twenties. =93Why are there two twenties?=94 she asks.

The drunk replies, =93Oh, yeah, he shit in my pants, too.=94

Reply to
eyeball

A young blonde woman decides to try horseback riding even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.

She mounts the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into action.

As it gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway!

The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, losing her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over and over.

As her head is battered against the ground and she is mere moments away from unconsciousness to her great fortune, Frank, the Walmart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.

Reply to
rgronovius

A blonde made several attempts to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems finding a buyer because the car had 340,000 miles on it. She discussed her problem with a brunette that she worked with at a bar.

The brunette suggested, =93There may be a chance to sell that car easier, but it=92s not going to be legal.=94

=93That doesn=92t matter at all,=94 replied the blonde. =93All that matters= it that I am able to sell this car.=94

=93Alright,=94 replied the brunette. In a quiet voice, she told the blonde: =93Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop around here. Tell him I sent you, and he will turn the counter back on your car to 40,000 miles. Then it shouldn=92t be a problem to sell your car.=94

The following weekend, the blonde took a trip to the mechanic on the brunette=92s advice.

About one month after that, the brunette saw the blonde and asked, =93Did you sell your car?=94

=93No!=94 replied the blonde. =93Why should I? It only has 40,000 miles on it.=94

Reply to
eyeball

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