Two boys in Boston were playing basketball when one of them was attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy ripped a board off a nearby fence, wedged it into the dog's collar and twisted it, breaking the dog's neck. A newspaper reporter from the Boston Herald witnessed the incident and rushed over to interview the boy.
The reporter began entering data into his laptop, beginning with the headline "Brave Young Celtics Fan Saves Friend From Jaws Of Vicious Animal."
"But I'm not a Celtics fan," the little hero interjected.
"Sorry," replied the reporter. "But since we're in Boston, Mass, I just assumed you were." Hitting the delete key, the reporter begins again, "John Kerry Fan rescues Friend From Horrific Dog Attack."
"But I'm not a Kerry fan either," the boy responds. The reporter says, "I assumed everybody in this state was either for the Celtics or Kerry or Kennedy. What team or person do you support?"
I'm a Houston Rockets fan and I really like George W. Bush" the boy says.
Hitting the delete key, the reporter begins again, "Arrogant Little Conservative Bastard Kills Beloved Family Pet."
Dubya is walking along one day and sees a small boy with a box by the curb. He walks over and asks 'what's in the box?'
"Kittens," the boy replies.
"What kind of kittens are they?" the president asks.
"They're Republicans," claims the boy, proudly.
The president is impressed and congratulates the young man.
The next week Dubya is walking along with John Ashcroft and sees the same lad with his box of kittens sitting there.
"Hey, check this out, it's terrific" he says to Ashcroft.
The president approaches the boy and asks him "say, what kind of kittens are those?"
They're Democrats" the boy replies.
"Hey, last week those were Repubicans" says Bush, "what happend to them?"
The boy looks up and explains patiently:
"This week their eyes are open."
Jim
================================================== please reply to: JRR(zero) at yktvmv (dot) vnet (dot) ibm (dot) com ==================================================
Eyes open to the true merits of: bureaucratic regulation gun control re distribution of income, abortion on demand political indoctrination education over skills education higher taxes Divorce on demand Affirmative Action faith in global warming faith in second hand smoke no new freeway lanes $100,000,000 per mile mass transit Sports stadiums downtown Domestic violence laws shame for SUV drivers Complex environmental - economic tradeoffs decided with 5 syllable sound bites Law suits - a - go -go A paycheck and an apartment for every pregnant unmarried teenager [because we need more of 'em]
If they can see the merits of being a Democrat, those cats can't see very well.
You missed the title of the post, which contained the world 'joke.' Humor. Funnies. Ha ha. They were both presented for you enjoyment. Equal opportunity laughs. Did ya chuckle at the first one? I did.
Jim
================================================== please reply to: JRR(zero) at yktvmv (dot) vnet (dot) ibm (dot) com ==================================================
I don't think how the Liberal radicals have taken over the Democratic party, the TV, the movies, and the schools and brought us to the brink of socialism, gun control, and decadence is funny. It is a terrible tragedy that we should all be ashamed of.
Would you like it if I put a party hat on and danced on your mother's grave? Humor. Funnies. Ha ha. They were both
Well this has taken a somber tone. Quite a stretch from funnies. You are welcome to try it but I suspect she could shut you down pretty fast.
Jim
================================================== please reply to: JRR(zero) at yktvmv (dot) vnet (dot) ibm (dot) com ==================================================
Typical conservative, laugh and hoot at consistant jabs at anyone who isnt just like them (not liberals but anyone), but when someone posts a retort they turn hostile, scowl their brows, and start reaching for crowbars. Pathetic.
It always reminds me of the high school locker room watching the captian of the football team struting around snapping towels on asses and then when someone lands a good joke at his expense he starts tearing the place apart like an irrational lunatic. Far from a sign of a sound, settled sense of self. Few years and he will more than likley be a college drop out, couple D.U.I.'s under the belt, pot belly, driving a fork truck, torturing his wife and kids reminiscing about that T.D. he almost made.
One could easily compile a list upon list of conservative and liberal negatives, they abound on the net, but whats the point, its counter productive for anyone looking to move forward.
If you want to be funny, go for the stereotype with some reality. People are born liberals, when they grow up and realize a more responsible point of view, they become conservatives. So the metaphor of opening the eyes does not work.
Stick with the tried and true: conservatives love money and liberals love sex.
Then they get in some small scrape with the law, and presto-change-o. Liberals again!
What a suprise.
Jim
================================================== please reply to: JRR(zero) at yktvmv (dot) vnet (dot) ibm (dot) com ==================================================
So maybe you would want to know who you were up against, if you tried to follow through on that.
My mom's 76 now and she's seriously considering a knee replacement. But she still commutes into manhattan to her job. Clark if you ever happen to meet that lady in a professional capacity you will be one very very unhappy man. Pray you never do have to go to Sloan Kettering, and if you do, that you never have to meet her.
She grew up the daughter of a dentist. The entire family lived in the back room of the office for years until they bought a house and moved out to the suburbs. Her father was a full-blown clinicial manic depressive, and both of her parents were full blown alcoholics, their entire lives. She grew up in that rough environment during the depression and managed to thrive somehow.
Her neighbor introduced her to her first full-time job when she was in high school and through that job she got admitted to Cornell with a full scholarship. She spent only one year there and then moved to Kansas to marry the man she had met in high school. They both graduated from the university there. By that time her first son was born and they moved to California so that her husband could go to grad school. While looking after her kids (two, now) she also worked to help put my dad through his graduate studies.
They eventually moved back east and she continued raising kids while her husband spend most of his time either working or away on field trips. So we were pretty much raised by my mom. Somewere along the line she managed to get her teaching certificate, her LPN, her RN, a bachelors degree and then a masters.
Starting with that first job in high school, the lady has always worked. I keep wondering when she'll stop the hour long commute every morning and retire. But I long ago gave up trying to make do anything. She has a pretty strong will, Clark. When she's not working she accompanies my dad on his field work so they travel a fair amount, mostly in remote areas.
If you want to do any tap dancing you had better be serious about that, as I would have to put my money down on her. I'm sure you've been places and seen things but honestly Clark you seem to be quite the lightweight in comparison.
Jim
================================================== please reply to: JRR(zero) at yktvmv (dot) vnet (dot) ibm (dot) com ==================================================
Thats odd..when was the last time a Conservative spoke openly about killing a liberal?
Now on the other hand...Spike Lee suggested killing Charlton Heston with a .44
Alex Baldwin wanted to stone Hyde and his entire family to death.
The Democrats in Florida want to shoot Rumsfeld, and put it in an ad.
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Really need me to go on?
Liberals, they preach peace and diversity while at the same time are the most hateful, biased, bigoted and racist group on the planet, second only to Al Quda and the Taliban.
gunner
"A vote for Kerry is a de facto vote for bin Laden." Strider
Projection is "the operation of expelling feelings or wishes the individual finds wholly unacceptable - too shameful, too obscene, too dangerous - by attributing them to another". (Peter Gay, _A Life for Our Time_)
1) "A liberal is a conservative that has not yet run a business and been mugged by regulation and taxes."
Or how about,
2) " A liberal is a conservative that has not yet realized that the traffic jam he sits in was engineered by liberals to frustrate him into supporting silly mass transit ideas."
Or, in my case,
3) "A liberal is a conservative that has not yet had the gun rights stolen that he grew up enjoying."
In article , Duck Dog says... ...is not a river in Egypt.
It's been stale for about three years now.
Jim
================================================== please reply to: JRR(zero) at yktvmv (dot) vnet (dot) ibm (dot) com ==================================================
This is exactly what I was saying in my original post. The _exact_ same statistics can be posted for either. The point is there are morons on all sides. For instance I just watched pat robertson on the 700 club actually say specifically that he thought certain individuals should be _killed_ in the middle east. This is from a supposed devout christian leader and he is preaching assasination openly, however I dont go throwing it around to defame the right nor do I do it to those on the left. I agree with the assasination standpoint, however it is contradictory to his organizations general preachings.
One, and the web is full of them, can easily compile endless lists of abhorant things that individuals, and parties, have said and done on both sides. This was not what I was posting about, I was simply stating that when a conservative gets "zinged" they tend to lash out violently (hence the crowbar and the towel in the locker room analogy) rather than simply absorb it as an opposing perspective, counter it reasonably and move on. There are certainly people on the left who lash out as well.
The point is, its a sign of insecurity. You could even see Bush's face starting to boil up a bit at some of the questions the other night. I thought most of the more pointed questions actually made him look good, however, they didnt get enough makeup on him to cover the "boil" factor which didnt help.
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