As most of you know, im getting old...in my late 30's.....but the look of a late 20 year old guy (so the girls i bed say!)
I hate feeling old, time goes so fast....but due to ill health im no spring chicken, infact this week was the first time in 6 months i could actually sit and do some modelling.
Question is, earlier i drank almost a whole bottle of vodka, and was just about to take the month of meds all at once...it felt like i had come to the end of the road.
I try and carry on, i put on a brave face each day...i have done most of the things i have wanted too in my life, so no complaints, still missing a few, but thats no problem....no complaints
It seems each day i take, its 1 step forward, 2 steps back.. I know a lot comes down to my health, a little from my age, but if im honest with you guys, even at my age my hearts broken, yes its been broken many times since i was a teenager. it never gets any easier, only harder....is it normal for someone my age?
I offer advice to my son, whos doing what i did 20 years ago...but for me it gets no better.
At least when the day comes, and i meet the king of spru's in the sky, i have enough plastic to cook for year.
Do they get easier? Not really but cynically, for me, they seem to have. Poke someone with a stick enough times, they'll quit flinching, they will have accustomed themselves to the discomfort.
As for how many times can one take, who knows. No simple answer but for those of us, whom some might call lucky, one less than it could be. Personally, major pain?........3; first 'love', first wife--- died, second wife--- mother of my sons. Been with Old Gramma ( I can call her Old, we have 14 grandkids and 2 Great grandkids) now for 25 years. If she goes first, that will be the last heartache from loosing a SO.
Best thing I can offer is don't bring past baggage with you. I feel that is a predominately female thing but guys *will* do it. Don't expect anything, accept what you can (and sometimes what you don't think you can), be gracious for wants/needs you do get fulfilled by SO. Non ego based ostricizing works better than arguing most of the time. Buy her chairs. Conduct yourself in the manner you wish (hope for) from SO. Never underestimate human nature, it is the ONLY thing you can count on :-)
I'm not going to molly-coddle, you with warm and fuzzy words, Jules. I'm going to tell you like it is.
It's called depression and I've had my turn in that barrel as well. It seems you are going around with your head up and locked, stewing in self-pity, always looking at the down side of everything.
I suffer pain from old wounds as well as arthritis, and the side effects of exposure to Agent Orange and god-knows-what from the Gulf War in Kuwait. Sometimes it's hard for me to get up but I do get up every day because life is good.
Uncage your brain, realize you need help and seek that professional help......do it NOW.
"Jules" wrote in news:ayZci.62715$ snipped-for-privacy@fe2.news.blueyonder.co.uk:
Dude,
Suffice to say that every good thing seems to have a bad thing associated with it. That's not actually true but it sure seems like it. My wife and I have been through a lot, both before we met and now after 5 years of marriage. On paper things are very rough for us right now, but oddly enough we seem more at peace than ever before.
Both my wife and I have physical problems and pains that ebb and flow and my wife also fights depression. I try to set an example and not let her feel soory for herself and that does help. We have our good days and we have our bad days.
We've moved from one state to another to get away from the stressful environment we had been in and for me to take a job that had a real permanent possibility. So we have a house in another state we're trying to sell with a mortgage that is painful to pay, rent on the house we're in now, which we want to buy when the other house sells. Meanwhile it took my wife 4 months to find work and right after she did I was laid off as they decided to update the legacy system I was hired to work on to a more modern technology and they didn't train contractors. This is after a move that was far longer and painful than we had anticipated, including having my Suburban breakdown on the interstate, loaded with our stuff and pulling a trailer, a breakdown that was not easily fixed (nor was I willing to pay on the road repair rates). We soldiered on and got it done. Our beautiful 3 yo shepherd Teddy got himself killed playing in a horse pasture since he apparently didn't realize that you can't chase or play with horses like you can with other dogs. Did I mention we had a train derailment? Yeah big fire lots of toxic smoke, huge column of black smoke. You could see it from our house and the kid's school. They closed the school and I couldn't get ahold of my wife so I left work to get the kids, apparently my supervisor bitched about that to my recruiter (can you imagine?) got them home and then worried all afternoon if we were going to have to bug out and where we'd go.
Now I've got an job interview where the guy really likes me from my resume, just wnats to meet with me to see if I'm a fit. Great, right? Got a call last week that my Dad is in the hospital, in ICU. Short line is, he's in his
70s and he's got some things flaring up including some cancer which they need to treat. They are not sure how long he's got but the tough old bastard has a habit of bouncing back just to spite everybody. Of course after the rough time we had when i was younger I wanted to make sure he had more time for my kid, his grandaughter. We'll see.
Mark Twain once said "Life is just one damn thing after another". I think I've adopted this as my personal credo. You only lose when you quit fighting. I'm 48, my shoulders hurt, my back hurts and even after losing 90 pounds my knees should be registered as torture devices. Honestly. my almost
4 yo daughter has a lot to do with my I just don't give up sometimes. Someone has to be here to teach her and protect her and I'm the one. So in the meantime I'm going to make myself as comfortable as possible.
We exchanged email some time ago about your physical problems as I was curious about how good national health care was. I know being in pain is very demoralizing, but I can't beleive there is nothing that can be done. Perhaps you need to seek an advocate to help you compel better care from them. They must have some kind of ombudsman process or barristers that specialize in this. It may even cost you something now but if you're in you're 30's and they can fix it now in 10 years you won't remember how much it cost.
Cut back on the booze. I was trying very hard to be an alcoholic until my early 30s, following a hereditary line. My thing was Jack (Daniels) and coke. Of course I was making these drinks in 32oz cups given away at fast food shops. I woke up one morning and realized I'd been putting down close to a fifth mixed with the soda and was getting up to go to work and not feeling that bad. Actually I was - I had what I called a bucket of wet sand in my head, but being that far gone it didn't seem that bad. I cut way back and life did seem a bit clearer after that.
As for women, well I wasted several years on a woman who sent more mixed messages than I could keep up with. She wanted to get married, just not now. She wanted kids, than she suggested she would let herself get preggers with my kid without getting married, than she wasn't sure, she liked sex but was conflicted about it. Finally I said we get married or you get lost. Well she still wanted to see and have sex but ther therapy group didn't think she should get married. Bye, bye bitch.
I spent two years trying to figure out just what the hell women wanted (wasted time indeed). I did shortly meet the women who would be my wife. After 5 years we got married, 5 years on we have her (now also my) son, 13, our daughter almost 4, 3 dogs, 5 cats, a rabbit and some fish. I'm 48 in another two weeks. It took that long for me. But it was worth it as I doubt I'd have done better sooner, both for who I was and the women i was seeing.
Despte everything, and indeed there is more to this story, I'm kinda happy now. I've actually finished more models recently than in the previous 3 years and have more on deck waiting for finishing touches. Maybe it's the house we're in it's pretty close to what my wife and I hd envisioned for ourselves. Maybe it's just that i've come to terms with life and want to enjoy what time i have.
Being single at your age blows dead mules. I know. But you have dated some very nice looking gals in the past. Seems to me they just weren't the right one, but at least you're fishing in a well stocked pond and pulling in nice ones regularly. Think more about what you want in a woman and what that kind of woman would want in a man.
Mainly sober up, clean up, go seek better medical advice most of all relax. Anne came to me when I was least expecting it. I suspect that's how most lasting relationships start.
It had just been a bad week, yup i agree with what you wrote....cant say it wont happen again, but it seems i aint alone..could be worse though...but i cant complain.
Yeah i remember the chat we had, and i guess things could be worse...your right with what you say, and just a couple of setbacks aint the end of the world. I sort of got that feeling, when talking to the carer in the old peoples home where my granddad is, with Az, cos it was him and my late nan that raised me, some kids dont even have that...
Im just gonna carry on building a AMT Dodge Challenger in white and have fun....either with a bit of plastic or a girl ;-)
I read your post too . First , I wouldn't take alcohol to snap out of feeling low because alcohol is itself a depressant.You will get even more depressed.
If you have been like this before its best you go to a doctor and he can recommend something to take. 20% of the population is in your shoes at some time , especially winter time.
I know this is OT but I thought it might help you.
PaPaPeng wrote in news: snipped-for-privacy@4ax.com:
My wife has been suffering from fatigue for a very long time now. She's achy, swollen and has trouble controlling her weight. She had the stomach stapling surgery 5 years ago and she should be around 150 but she's not (can't say real weight on pain of death). For more than 2 years she's been going to doctors but they all say she's fine. We thought it was her thyroid but she's also been having low blood sugar, going hypoglycemic even when she's eaten.
FINALLY she saw an endocrinologist and she says her pancreas may be overproducing insulin which fits very well with her symptoms. She's going in next Friday for the start of several tests that will culminate in I beleive a partial resection of her pancreas. While we are of course concerned about the tests and surgery the fact is we are relieved that we now have a diagnosis that fits the symptoms. After 2 plus years of hearing nothing was wrong.
Keep with it Jules, you only lose when you give up.
Hey I have had a bad back for 11 years now, since i broke it, its when its cold it hurts more, if i try to do too much....i get down quite often, but get over it the same day...that was just a bad day, nowt i did went right....
Tried many things over the years, learnt to live with it..lots of people worse off so could be worse.
not like me to complain...which is why i was pretty ashamed after i posted it.....
PaPaPeng wrote in news: snipped-for-privacy@4ax.com:
I appreciate all you've said, however she had a gastric bypass 6 years ago and is on a fairly limited diet as it is. The pancreatic thing is a potential side effect of the GBS. She had her 5 hour fast Thursday, gave 8 or 10 vials of blood. We're waiting for the results before we can go on to whatever the next test is.
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