Dear Valued Customer,
We are excited to let you know we just ate one of the competition. This gives us added leverage in hosing you on price and limiting your available selection and customer service options. You should be thrilled to know we are applying our inordinately cumbersome process just for checking inventory and availability over top of the customer service and professional advice formerly available from our dinner. This stranglehold we have extended over one of your former resources will give you the opportunity to deal with us more often and allow you to become more of a subject to our whims should you choose to remain within our ever broadening grasp.
Sincerely, Mom Tox