Dear Valued Customer

Dear Valued Customer,
We are excited to let you know we just ate one of the competition. This
gives us added leverage in hosing you on price and limiting your available
selection and customer service options. You should be thrilled to know we
are applying our inordinately cumbersome process just for checking inventory
and availability over top of the customer service and professional advice
formerly available from our dinner. This stranglehold we have extended over
one of your former resources will give you the opportunity to deal with us
more often and allow you to become more of a subject to our whims should you
choose to remain within our ever broadening grasp.
Sincerely,
Mom Tox