Tomorrow's cardiac device implant day. I feel great, am walking 3 brisk miles every day, but the docs still deemed it prudent for me to have an ICD (implanted cardiac device, basically an automatic defibrillator with backup pacemaking capability). No big deal. Takes about an hour.
Tonight I had to scrub my entire body with six cloths premoistened with some kinda super germicide. I dunno, I'm just doing as told. Mary likes to take charge, a leader sort of gal be she.
We read the directions. I, of course, speedread them in 3 seconds so she assumed I hadn't read them at all. I must say there is precedent that would make such an assumption reasonable. In good time, Mary said the directions said I am to scrub back and forth. Right, I read that too. In some places I scrubbed up and down. "No no no, the directions said back and forth!" "I AM scrubbing back and forth!" "No you're not, you're scrubbing up and down." "Yeah, that's still back and forth." "No it's not, that's up and down!"
Arrrggghh.
"Back and forth is a scalar descriptor. It infers reciprocating motion in any direction. Up-and-down, left-and-right and diagonal are vector instantiations of back-and-forth. The instructions do not contain vector specificity." Mind you, I'm stark naked and freezing my arse off, and whatever's on those premoistened cloths itches like hell.
Meanwhile, she'd nicked my watch. "Where's my watch?" "You can't have your watch during the procedure." "I know that, but that isn't until tomorrow." "You don't need your watch tonight." "No, but I want my watch tonight." "Back and forth isn't up and down, is it?" "Give me my goddamned watch!" It was in the bathroom drawer.
We'll just doggone well see tomorrow, by golly. I said who would know better how to scrub than a scrub nurse. She said even the young chicklet receptionist would know that back and forth doesn't mean up and down. Mmm, I rather doubt that she'd care but I didn't go there....
She thinks SHE needs a sense of humor to live with ME! Sheeesh. Living with a leprechaun does have its moments. I purely love it!