[ Star Trek: The Lost Episode
(Capt. Kirk) Mr. Spock, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Lt. Ohura, have you been able to access their command pathways?
(Spock) Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on early 21st century computing technology.
(Ohura presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.)
(Doc looks puzzled.) What the hell is a Microsoft?
(Spock turns to answer.) Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason called ©Windows, through the Borg command pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate.
(Kirk) But the Borg can adapt. Won't they alter their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?
(Spock) Yes, Captain. But when ©Windows detects this, it creates a new version of itself known as an Upgrade. The use of resources increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability will be taken over, and none will be available for their normal operational functions.
(Kirk) Excellent work, Spock. This is even better than that 'unsolvable geometric shape' idea."
(Scotty) Captain, We have successfully downloaded the ©Windows into the Borg's command unit. As Mr. Spock predicted, it immediately consumed 85% of all resources. We however have not received any confirmation of the expected Upgrade.
(Lt. Ohura) Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPU capacity to compensate, but we still have no indication of an Upgrade to compensate for their increase.
(Kirk) Ohura, scan the history banks again and determine if there is something we missed.
(Spock) Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the Upgrade. Apparently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by not sending in their registration cards.
(Doc) Jim, there's no other choice. If you don't begin emergency escape sequence 3F right now, we'll all die!
(Ohura, excited) Wait, Captain! I just detected their CPU capacity has suddenly dropped to 0! Apparently the Borg have found an internal ©Windows module named Solitaire and it has used up all their CPU capacity.
(Scotty) Captain, maybe we should wait and see how long this Solitaire can reduce their functionality.
(Kirk) Mr. Spock what's the status on the Borg now?
(Spock) As expected the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they successfully increase resources, I have setup our closest deep space monitor beacon to transmit more ©Windows modules from something called the Microsoft Fun-Pack.
(Kirk) How much time will that buy us ?
(Spock) Current Borg solution rates allow me to calculate an interest time span of 6 more hours.
(Ohura) Captain, an alien vessel has entered our sector.
(Kirk) Put it on-screen.
(Scotty) It appears to have markings very similar to the Microsoft logo"
(Over the speakers) THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP "MONOPOLY." WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR. SURRENDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS!!!
(Ohura) Captain, the alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released thousands of humanoid shaped objects.
(Kirk) Magnify forward viewer of the alien craft!
(Doc) My God, Jim! Those are humans floating straight toward the Borg ship with no life support suits! How can they survive the tortures of deep space?
(Spock) I don't believe those are humans, sir. If you look closer I believe you will see that they are wearing Armani suits from the 21st century, and carrying leather briefcases.
(Doc and Kirk together horrified) Lawyers!!
(Scotty) It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening.
(Spock) True, but apparently some must have survived.
(Ohura) They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with all types of papers.
(Spock) I believe that is known in ancient vernacular as 'red tape' - it often proves fatal.
(Doc) My God, Jim, they're tearing the Borg to pieces!
(Kirk, turning green and gagging) Ohura -- turn off the monitors! I can't stand to watch. Not even the Borg deserve that! ]